“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” Joanna Newsom said to the horrendous oval-shaped accoutrement adorning her chest. As if wearing grandma’s prized Easter platter wasn’t enough, Newsom decided that she might as well be the Ambrosia salad destined to be served upon the platter itself. Like the Pagans, from whom the Easter traditions originated, Newsom let her spirit flow below the knees. Overall, it’s safe to say that Newsom would probably be the first egg found on Easter Morning. Like the Last Supper, however, whether it be avant-garde or a page from the scrapbook your aunt made when you were born, this is art in its own pastel right.
Amy Landecker: an appropriate name for one who appears to have rolled around on the land beneath the deck, if not the forest floor. This dress has the potential to bring on a whole new era in the world of camouflage. Landecker’s shoes may be hidden, but chances are they’re bright orange. This appears to be the couture of the forest, an accomplishment in and of itself, but what’s more: it’s art in that it leaves nothing to be desired.
Heidi Klum, just as the flower blooms, you have hatched … into Big Bird. We all channeled Elmo once or twice, and with this outfit Klum gave the world a crossover of everyone’s favorite avian and their favorite swine, Miss Piggy. The diva is shining through and although Heidi clearly has little to hide, there is no way she could evade the clear comparison to Big Bird. Elmo taught us how to finger paint, and Big Bird taught us how to be ourselves, so Klum is a true visionary.
Jill Soloway, you may have gone solo(way), but you’re never truly alone with all those dots.
Nazanin Boniadi, we’ve got a bone to pick with you. Is this dress the bone out of your leftover prime rib from steak at Chili’s that you brought home to your rat terrier–jack russell terrier–yorkshire terrier–wheaten terrier “mix” last week? Or is it the fatty strip of bacon that no one takes from fear that it is too chewy and would forever ruin their view of a delicacy? Either way, like the split personalities this dress highlights, for all the wrong this dress does it’s almost good.
Maisie Williams: Is that a terrycloth robe missing sleeves, or is it the plastic coated, quilted insulative material from the inside of a second grader’s lunch box? She completes the game of dressup with a popular last touch—those pink plastic furry sandals that must look cute, otherwise how could one ever withstand the pain and the likelihood of a twisted ankle?