Intimate partner violence, or IPV, is defined as an act against a woman that results in physical, emotional, sexual or psychological harm by their intimate partner. IPV was legal in the US until the 1870s and was not addressed until the feminist movement of the 1970s. There are so few clear statistics on IPV because today only half of IPV situations will be reported, even though there are over 200,000 phone calls to domestic violence hotlines every year. 1 out of every 3 teenagers in the US are likely to experience dating abuse. 1 in 3 women have been in abusive relationships. When I began researching domestic violence, I had this one-layered idea of what IPV was supposed to be and how it easily could be solved. But the more I learn, the more I can see the cracks in this single-minded ideology, the cracks in US laws, the cracks in systems that are there to protect victims, and most importantly the cracks in relationships that cause half of female homicide victims to be killed by an intimate partner.
One of the many terms for intimate partner violence is private violence, coined because of the inability to recognize and prosecute it. Even though private violence makes up 15 percent of all reported violent crimes, detecting it has proven more difficult than any other violent crime because, like its name suggests, private violence will always be behind closed doors. The hard truth is that there is so much more that can be done in investing work to stop domestic violence. We just are not doing it. There is a way to crack open these cases and find solutions for victims, but the majority of the time, laws and lack of funding limit the attention that needs to be put into every single case. The activist and journalist Rachel Louise Snyder states that “the United States spends as much as twenty-five times more on researching cancer or heart disease as it does on violence prevention, despite the enormous costs of violence to our communities.” The lack of attention to the issue causes ill-trained officers, attorneys, judges, nurses, and others who have the chance to be vital in saving the lives of victims. Recently, the Ithaca Police Department was shown to have ten years worth of domestic violence and sex-related crime reports that were never looked at or investigated.
Lawyers and judges who are not trained in recognizing domestic violence do not realize that 70 percent of the time, victims of domestic violence recant their statements. After a victim recants there is no longer a case and the criminal justice system moves on, not stopping for uncooperative witnesses. Nurses who might deal with victims of IPV everyday save lives when they are trained to recognize certain injuries, ask the right questions, and write referrals that will help in court. Often nurses in ERs and obstetrician-gynecologists are some of the few people that a victim could come into contact with that could potentially help. The ability to identify a victim can be the difference of life and death if they can follow appropriate safety measures. In police officer families, the rates of domestic violence are two to four times higher than non-officer families. These officers are the ones who are in charge of diffusing a situation, talking to victims, and making arrests. If officers do not have specific training in domestic abuse interactions, they can anger abusers, convict the wrong person, and play a large part in the anger of the abuser and the life of the abusee.
There are so many sides and narratives to the world-wide struggle against private violence but covering the cycle that traps victims in this abuse is something to look at closely. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) recognizes the cycle of abuse to be a factor played out in the majority of abusive relationships, stating “Abuse is cyclical. There are periods of time where things may be calmer, but those times are followed by a buildup of tension and abuse, which usually results in the abuser peaking with intensified abuse.” The cycle of abuse is an engraved part in so many IPV situations. The cycle is a huge factor that seems uncomplicated when looked at on the outside yet is often completely unrecognizable to victims. Many ask why victims don’t leave. In reality it can almost never be as simple as that, because American court systems often make life harder for women facing domestic violence. When children are involved, leaving can put more lives in danger than just their own.
Many times, the only way victims can escape is through shelters, which means uprooting their entire lives. Sometimes love can still exist in a violent relationship. This does not mean that victims are weak, this just means victims are human. There are so many reasons for abusees who stay in their IPV situations and no victim should be judged, but instead should be supported so they can find the strength to leave safely. Stopping private violence is an intensely slow and often dangerous process but there is always hope.
If you know someone who might be experiencing private violence, it’s important to reach out and ask questions. Provide a safe place where a victim can talk. Make sure you never share judgments and always assume no matter what your prior judgments have been, the victim tells the truth. Always make sure you know when it is time to talk to a trusted adult or authorities. Below, there is a link to a helpful article concerning this situation.
If there is violence in your home or in your relationship, remember there are people you can talk too anonymously. Or find a friend or trusted adult. There is someone who will listen to you. Even if you are unsure it is really domestic violence, talk to someone about it, call a hotline, do some research, tell a trusted adult or teacher. October may be Domestic Violence Awareness Month, but this conversation cannot be put on pause.