High school can be hard, as all students have to juggle constant school work, new interests, and just developing as a person. It can be hard to deal just as a “regular” high school student; we’re still mainly living at home and with a guardian; we’re still treated as children. And because of that it can be even harder to recognize when real, “adult” problems come into our lives, or our friends’ lives. Issues such as sexual assault, intimate partner violence and suicidal thoughts are all common issues high schoolers deal with, but are rarely prepared for.
It’s difficult to recognize that a problem you’ve only heard of with adults or on TV applies to you or someone you’ve grown up with. It can be even more difficult to understand the weight of the problem at an age where we’re still dependent on others and well, children. So it’s important to understand these instances are not uncommon at all. It’s reported that around 48 percent of teens in America have experienced dating-related stalking and harassment. According to RAINN, “One in 9 girls and 1 in 53 boys under the age of 18 experience sexual abuse or assault at the hands of an adult.” 42.2 percent of female rape victims were under 18 when assaulted: 29.9 percent were aged 11-17.The rate of death by suicide in people from 10 to 24 years old increased by 57.4 percent in the US over the 10 year period from 2007 to 2018, according to data released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) on Friday. These are life-changing issues, and they are incredibly and scarily common in high schools around the country. If you’re facing something like this, know that there are so many people who want to help you and there are lots of resources available, some linked below.
This article is targeted towards the friends; for the friends who have emotional weight, guilt and stress over hearing their friends go through something terrible. Friends who don’t know whether they should speak up in fear of betraying their friend, who don’t know where to go to find help, who’s friend pushes them away or suddenly feels better and they don’t know if it’s their problem anymore and much more. IHS students are dealing with this everyday and to those who are, this is your guide.
Advocacy center representative Katrina Clark shares her thoughts on being a friend of someone undergoing domestic abuse or sexual assault trauma. In her words:
“Sharing about assault, abuse, and unhealthy behaviors within relationships can be really difficult. There are many barriers to disclosing, including (but not limited to) not recognizing abusive behaviors, fear of hurting their dating partner’s feelings or future, embarrassment, fear that the abusive partner will find out and react negatively, and fear that people will not understand or not believe them.
“It is important, as a concerned friend, to recognize these barriers. Ultimately, by acknowledging how hard it can be to share, one is better prepared to respond. For example, if a friend shares that they have been experiencing dating abuse for months, it might be easy to erupt with anger and ask why they did not tell you this information earlier (you care about them and hate to hear that they have been hurting), but if you know how hard sharing can be, you’re likely to respond more appropriately by focusing on them / their feelings instead of your own. A potential response could be, “Thank you for trusting me. How can I help make you feel safer?
“As a friend of someone experiencing abuse / assault, it can be helpful to offer (not insist—the choice is up to them) your presence if / when your friend wants to reach out for professional help. If possible, offer to be there as a friend calls the hotline, initiates a live chat with a service provider, or connects with a school guidance counselor about what they are experiencing. If being present with them is not possible, offer to be available for a call or check-in of some sort afterwards.”
One useful tool supplied by the RM2Bsafefor Youth resource is the Friend wheel, a list to guide any friend through how to react to someone telling you about their abusive relationship, This resource can also apply to sexual assault; believe their story, and make sure they know that nothing was their fault.
Unless you are concerned for your friend’s safety, let your friends make their own choices about who and when to tell people. This can be difficult but it’s necessary in maintaining your friend’s trust and giving them a lifeline. If the victim does want to talk to someone there are lots of options, such as an anonymous emailer, anonymous phone conversations or text messages. Talking to your doctor, therapist, trusted teacher, guidance counselor or parent. Reporting actions to the police is another option and can be particularly taxing on a victim but as a friend, you may help by encouraging them to document any abuse (if they are safe to do so)—this documentation could possibly assist your friend in the future, if they ever choose to take legal action.
As a friend, it’s not your place to talk to anyone else about an abusive or sexual assault situation unless you are concerned for your friend’s safety and are reaching out to someone you trust. In sexual assault and domestic violence scenarios, believing the victim is one of the most important and crucial steps. Also, recognize red flags and act on them. Depending on the situation, victims tend to push close friends away for a variety of reasons. No matter, what as a friend, it’s crucial to give a support system where the victim can always feel safe. As previously mentioned, it can be hard to identify the severity of the situation, so taking a step at a time is important. Remember to take care of yourself too; we already have so much stress in our lives. Remember to pay attention, support the victim even when they’re pushing you away, reach out if you are concerned for your friend’s immediate safety, and to take care of yourself as well.
Reacting to a friend expressing suicidal thoughts can be just as terrifying, knowing that your friend has been thinking of ending their life is a lot to deal with and there are a lot of gut reactions, but make sure that you’re doing everything to protect your friend’s safety. Here are some tips the National Suicide Prevention Line shared on having a conversation with a suicidal friend. When talking about suicide, be as direct as possible; don’t shy away from using the word “suicide”. Be willing to listen and provide a safe space where they can discuss their emotions, and don’t judge anything. Some specific don’ts; don’t act shocked because it will only put more distance between you, don’t offer shallow reassurance, don’t dare them to do it and don’t be sworn to secrecy. Instead take action, confiscate anything you know could be a danger such as weapons or pills, tell them about alternatives and direct them to crisis and suicide prevention websites.
To the friend who’s reading this, your job in these scenarios is stressful, pressurized, and often essential. A good friend can save a life and bring justice. The job is critical. If you’re a high school student reading this and thinking about a friend you’re worried about, make sure to stay informed, bridge your differences and follow all of the resources linked in The Tattler website. Stay safe!
Check out the following resources:
800-273-8255: National Suicide Prevention Line
1.800.799.SAFE (7233): National Domestic Violence Hotline(they also offer an anonymous chat on the website)
Call 800-273-8255 or text TALK to 741741: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
loveisrespect.org
actompkins.org
thehotline.org
Email teens@actompkins.org to chat with a professional anonymously 24/7