“I love you.” These three words carry so much meaning in our American culture that they saturate the media, pull at our heartstrings, and solidify burgeoning relationships. We put so much stock in romantic feelings that we often find ourselves confused when the pressures of life and time steal the playful puppy love of childhood. It’s not that romance does not exist, or that it is not valuable. However, I hold the unpopular belief that it is too emphasized in our country, especially among the hormonally volatile adolescent population, leading to broken marriages.
Of course, I cannot prove that an overabundance of emphasis on romance is the direct cause of America’s high divorce rate. But it does seem quite likely to me that couples become wound up in the fervor of dopamine and happiness, and marry unwisely. Several years down the line, the initial joy of romance has passed and they are unprepared for what real, sacrificial love feels like. They do not know how to wake up every day willing to go through pain, to suffer, to die for the person sleeping next to them. That kind of commitment is necessary for marriage, and many people simply are not prepared. Scared of the responsibility and disenchanted because they no longer feel “in love,” the unfortunate couple separates and divorces. This short story is merely anecdotal, but I believe that it strikes at the heart of some of the major issues with dating and marriage culture today.
Of course, I do not presume that all young lovers fall into these traps, and the opinions given in this piece are merely generalizations. Having never been in a long-term relationship myself, I do not presume to be qualified to give a how-to guide. I merely attempt to point out several philosophical problems I see with pop culture, and hope no couple reading this takes offense. However, I think it might be useful for some adolescent lovers and newlyweds to learn that being a partner for life is not just about flowers and chocolates. They should understand that there are different kinds of love and that romance likely will not stay forever, at least, not with as much ferocity as it did in the early days. The Greeks understood that love is not one concept, but several. There are phases of a relationship, and while the feeling of falling for someone might not last, the agape (“selfless, unconditional love” according to Wikipedia) may guide a couple into old age.
It is remarkably easy to become wrapped up in the media’s depiction of love, lust, and physical attraction. While such feelings are innately human and important experiences, they are not complete depictions of the fellowship and honesty it takes to share your life with someone else. When people wed, “two become one.” Two people promise to share themselves fully with each other for as long as they live. It takes more than hormones and dinner dates to accomplish that. It takes agape.