Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22):
All of that practice in the kitchen will pay off soon–you’ll be able to cook an entire breakfast, lunch, and dinner for yourself without any parental supervision! If you’re feeling extra feisty, you might even be able to make dessert!
Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22):
After months of tossing clothes on the ground and watching the dust bunnies multiply in the corner, you’ll finally get the energy to actually clean your room. Isn’t it nice to see your bedroom floor again?
Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21): Halloween season isn’t quite here yet, but you’ll have picked out your costume by the end of the month. You’ll be more than happy to laugh at all the suckers who are still figuring out theirs in mid-October.
Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21):
This month, you won’t miss a deadline for a single school assignment. And, yes, maybe meeting those goals requires your teachers to grant you a few extensions, but it still counts!
Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19):
You’ve been scrolling on your phone all summer, but this month you’re going to lock in and try to spend less time on your phone. At the end of the month, you’ll successfully average less than six hours per day!Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18):
It’s no secret that you love DoorDash, but your biggest accomplishment this month will be saying no to the convenience of delivery services and yes to leftovers! Cold tofu from yesterday…yum!
Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20):
Just admit it: you’re still addicted to the Wordle, even though its fifteen minutes of fame have passed by. Sometime soon, you’ll be able to get the Wordle in only four guesses!
Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19):
This school year is a fresh start, which means it’s time to hit the gym. You’ll do your best mile yet–twenty minutes and fourteen seconds! That’s at least half a minute better than your last PR.
Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20):
There’s always something to fix, and you’ve never been the person to do it until now. You’ll repair your first broken item this month…with some combination of Elmer’s glue, duct tape, and WD-40.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20):
You may have relied on Prime Energy to keep you hydrated this summer, but you’ll finally begin to consistently drink enough water to fuel your body! Isn’t it great to be healthy?
Cancer (June 21 – Jul 22):
For a long time, you’ve been consistently operating at 110%. Your biggest accomplishment will be spending an entire day doing, well, nothing at all.
Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22):
Finally, this month you’ll understand all the concepts that you didn’t grasp in last year’s courses. Are they useful to you right now? No, but they may be in thirty years!