Gemini (May 21 – June 20):
Guess what? That guy you met in the fast food line is actually a billionaire. He’ll be paying for every one your McDonalds orders for the rest of your life!
Cancer (June 21 – Jul 22):
As it turns out, your cat has a thing for eating jewelry she finds lying around. Most of it is yours… but at least you have it back!
Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22):
The agent who you didn’t know you had, called; you’re starring in the next big movie musical! Now you just need to learn how to act… and sing… and dance…
Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22):
You just aced your third report card in a row! Your parents still haven’t congratulated you, but you’re sure they will by the fourth.
Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22):
Your friends finally stopped arguing. Now, you no longer have to be the mediator. Now you can go back to… wait, what do you like to do again?
Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21):
Congratulations! You just came up with the world’s best comeback. All you have to do is wait for someone to work up the courage to insult you.
Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21):
You found some old cruise tickets in your closet—from 1993. If the cruise line accepts them (or still exists, for that matter), you’re golden!
Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19):
You’ve done it. You’ve organized every single space you own and your dog still hasn’t trashed any of them. That’s a lucky streak if you’ve ever seen it.
Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18):
You won first place in an art contest you didn’t know you’d been signed up for. No one there knew what to make of your… creation, but they liked it all the same.
Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20):
Some stray cats started following you around the neighborhood, then into your house… oops. But as long as you keep them well-fed, you have four new snuggle buddies!
Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19):
You won the jackpot… literally. Two million dollars. You just have to make sure you don’t spend it all on a Lambo… or not.
Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20):
You found some nice-looking wall art at a garage sale; turns out it’s a lost Vermeer! You’re keeping it because you like the vibe. Perhaps you’ll charge to have people come and look at it.
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