There are a small handful of people at IHS who know about a very small, very pink room at the very end of the E-wing. Although small and unassuming, this room is the deepest one can go into the chronicles of IHS. In that room, there are four average-looking filing cabinets that contain the annals of IHS Tattler history, dating back 125 years. Here follows a selection.
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Note: The current Tattler does not necessarily endorse the opinions published in historical Tattlers
April, 1917
Tattles
Prof. Arnold: “I’m sorry Margaret, but you did not pass Physics. Of course you know why?”
Margaret: “I haven’t an idea.”
Prof. Arnold: “That’s exactly right.”
Smith: “I want to tell you a joke about mistletoe.”
Miss B: “Be sure it isn’t over my head.”
Miss Mitchell: “Your sketch of the room lacks atmosphere.”
Issy: “I was thinking of putting in a ventilator.”
April 25, 1947
Plan New Clubhouse
By: Leonard Fernow
Realizing the serious inadequacy of the present fieldhouse currently servicing the track team, Coach J.J. Tatascore (A.S.?, B.S., PhD., L.S./ M.F.T.) has brought enough pressure to bear on the existing powers to insure the complete remodeling, not only of the fieldhouse equipment, but of the entire system of training.
Hereafter it will only be necessary for trackmen to work out in 15 minute periods once a week. These workouts will consist of 25 fast laps in a streetcar. During this ginger ale and banana splits will be served to all runners: participants in the field events will have their choice of dill pickles and sour milk or rhubarb and mustard. Large quantities of French fried potatoes and mushrooms can be had on request, but first year men will be restricted to the hard cider barrel.
The new Italian marble field house will be complete with steam baths, ping pong and pool tables, a massaging room, reading room and movie theater. Free limousine service to and from the field will be provided, and escalators will furnish the transportation between the dressing room and the track. While away, the boys’ clothes will be washed, or dry cleaned, pressed, and 20 gold pieces placed in the pockets. All socks will be darned and any other necessary repair work will be attended to.
On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, there will be dancing in the large auditorium. All members are urged to bring their girls. Chaperones will be the newly-weds, Captain Don Bemont (who is in the twelve yard skip-rope event) and his newest brief Sebela Wehe. All in all, a good, hardened, team is expected to evolve from this superb form of training.
April 1994
Horoscopes
Capricorn (12/22-1/20) Steer clear of foolish choices and get involved in school activities. Being a longer won’t make you happy.
Aquarius (1/21-2/19) Are you feeling a little pressured? Relax and take things one step at a time. Remember that you can’t win all the time.
Pisces (2/20-3/20) Resist the urge to put that whoopee cushion on your teacher’s chair. It may be funny, but are the consequences worth it?
Aries (3/21-4/20) Though we don’t have many days of spring break this year, you will meet someone very special and it will seem like it will last forever.
Taurus (4/21-5/21) Your kissing-up may bother some people. Don’t worry, though, they’re just jealous because they wish they had your talent.
Gemini (5/22-6/21) Are your friends starting to get on your nerves? If so, step back and think why they became your friends in the first place.
Cancer (6/22-7/23) People may think your jokes are inappropriate. Think about what you are saying and make sure you aren’t hurting feelings.
Leo (7/24-8/23) Don’t be influenced by your friends’ thinking. Make your own decisions. If you want to take square dancing, go ahead.
Virgo (8/24-9/23) Don’t take people for granted. They have more to offer you than you think.
Libra (9/25-10/23) Offer to take your dog for a walk. Your parents do things for your every day.
Scorpio (10/24-11/22) Take time to discover a new talent. Who knows? Maybe it will benefit you!
Sagittarius (11/23-12/21) Clearing up those little misunderstandings at school will make you more social. You may discover a romance with someone who is just a friend.
For your daily horoscope call 1-900- GET- REAL. Only $4.95 a minute!
April 1, 1998
Suggested improvements to the school.
- A ramp from the floor of H-Courtyard up to the balcony.
- A McDonald’s in the Cafeteria.
- Having a Hanson Festival every day after school.
- Construct all classrooms so that each has a Jolt soda machine built into the walls.