In a last-ditch effort to leave the school a bit more informed than we entered it, we took on the bladder-bending task of sampling nearly all the water fountains at IHS to bring you the best and the worst of our school’s aquatic offerings. We made it like the AP exams and gave each fountain a score out of five in different categories: taste, temperature, stream arc, filling time for a 22-fl-oz water bottle, and structural quality/cleanliness. Through our pseudo-scientific procedure and evaluation, we obtained both bellyaches and the following results.
A-Building
Sorry, music kids. Don’t be fooled by these fountains’ sleek exterior. The only thing worse than your water’s mediocre temperature and taste is its awkward, non-ergonomic design. However, if you wish to have a bottle full of the stuff, these fountains’ filling times are nearly unparalleled.
Outside the orchestra room
Taste: 2.5
Temperature: 3
Arc: 3
Filling Time: 17.78 seconds, but only to the 20-oz mark due to the low arc
Structure: 5 (clean, but the small push button makes it unergonomic)
Verdict: The higher fountain has a slightly better taste, but the lower fountain is colder. The location of the button can make water bottle filling awkward.
Kulp Auditorium
Taste: n/a
Temperature: n/a
Arc: 0.5
Filling Time: n/a
Structure: 4 (a little bunged up, but the mouthpiece is clean)
Verdict: The mouthpiece is clean because it is impossible to drink out of this fountain, unless you want to get intimate with the faucet. A for effort, though.
Black Box Theatre
Taste: 2.5
Temperature: 3
Arc: 3.5
Filling Time: 17.54 s, but only to the 20-oz mark due to the low arc
Structure: 5
Verdict: These fountains are the same make and quality as the ones backstage. Apologies to the show-going public.
B-Building
Luckily, Activities is small, as there is only one working fountain to be found. If you bring your own ice to compensate for the lukewarm temperature, the higher fountain becomes nearly perfect. Lacking a source of coolness, however, we’d recommend hydrating elsewhere before hitting up the ping-pong tables during lunch or heckling Mr. Mellander about one of the 10,000 things that fall under his job description.
Activities, outside Mr. Mellander’s office
Taste: 5
Temperature: 2.5
Arc: 4.5
Filling Time: 23.23 s
Structure: 5
Verdict: Although there are two fountains in this hallway, this data is only representative of the higher one because the lower failed to produce any water.
C- and Q-Buildings
Despite their locations outside the gyms, these buildings’ fountains provide little relief for sweaty students. Perhaps PE periods would be more refreshingly and effectively spent if students jogged to K for some real water.
Bliss Gym
Taste: 3.5 (feels prickly in the throat)
Temperature: 1.5
Arc: 2 (extremely variable)
Filling Time: 29.08 s
Structure: 3.5
Verdict: Located near the old trophy cases, the lower fountain’s water quality is better than the higher one’s in both taste and temperature. However, the higher fountain can fill a water bottle more quickly and fully. The buttons were slightly smashed in, making it difficult to drink comfortably.
New Gym
Taste: 4.5 (had notes of unrefreshing cucumber)
Temperature: 1
Arc: 2.5 (higher fountain), 5 (lower fountain)
Filling Time: 26.83 s (higher fountain), 21.77 s (lower fountain)
Structure: 5
Verdict: If you’re in Q, the lower fountain is the way to go, with a great arc and a filling time of 21.77 seconds. However, both fountains are barely colder than room temperature—expecting more from the nearly brand new fountains, we were so surprised that we almost spat the water out.
D-Building
D stands for Don’t even bother. Few things are worse than warm water, as any thirsty art student surely knows. Despite the fact that the surrounding fountains aren’t much better, the short walk to the E-Building fountains will reward you with water that’s colder than room temperature. Perhaps art students can make these fountains their next projects; they’d surely be more useful as sculptures.
D-Hallway
Taste: 5
Temperature: 1
Arc: 1.5 (inconsistent)
Filling Time: 33.09 s, but only to the 20-oz mark due to the low arc (higher fountain), 44.08 s to 18 oz (lower fountain)
Structure: 4
Verdict: Once again, the arts get the short end of the stick. The button is hard to use. The temperature, like this review, is lukewarm. Why would you ever drink from these? It’s not that far of a walk to E, anyways.
E-Building
If you’re in the area, the E-building fountains provide a solid option for quenching your thirst, perhaps during a Code Red build session or after a particularly hairy physics test. Despite their old-fashioned exteriors, the cool water flowing from them ranks them above any fountains closer than G-Building.
Closer to the cafeteria
Taste: 4
Temperature: 4.5
Arc: 2.5 (wavers)
Filling Time: 27.55 s
Structure: 4
Verdict: This fountain is pretty ideal for drinking, but less so for water bottle filling. It’s a great pit stop between lab periods.
Bowels of the school
Taste: 4.5
Temperature: 5
Arc: 4 (splatters)
Filling Time: 24.40 s
Structure: 3 (dented vent; the button is on the right but it’s harder to push than the traditional bars)
Verdict: Located in the brick hallway at the far end of E, this is a solid but strange-looking fountain—it has a little alcove for your head that makes you wonder if you’re going to be hydrated or guillotined. It has the best water north of the cafeteria, though.
F-Building
The ice-cold water bottles in the vending machines may seem like a tempting alternative to the fountains, but if you’re willing to make the trek to the library hallway, the water flows freely and is pleasantly cold. The cafeteria fountains themselves are simply blah—so blah that we never knew that there were fountains just outside the lunch lines before commencing this review.
F-hallway, near library
Taste: 4 (not offensive, but present)
Temperature: 5
Arc: 4.5 (though it splatters, it is high and consistent)
Filling Time: 23.52 s
Structure: 4.5
Verdict: This is one of the best places to fill your water bottle if you’re in a hurry. The high arc fills the bottle quickly, and the water will remain cold for periods unless you’re sitting in the sun-soaked Quad. F-hallway can be busy between periods, but using this fountain doesn’t make you obtrusive to other students. All in all, a solid choice.
Cafeteria bathrooms
Taste: 5
Temperature: 4 (higher fountain), 2.5 (lower fountain)
Arc: 4 (higher fountain), 2 (lower fountain)
Filling Time: 24.10 s (higher fountain), 28.31 s, but only to the 20-oz mark due to the low arc (lower fountain)
Structure: 4
Verdict: Don’t use the lower fountain if you can avoid it.
Cafeteria
Taste: 3 (higher fountain), 4.5 (lower fountain)
Temperature: 4.5
Arc: 4 (very consistent)
Filling Time: 26.37 s
Structure: 4
Verdict: In this case, the lower fountain is slightly better than the higher one. But we’d still recommend going to the bathroom fountain to get your H2O fix.
G-Building
Located in one of the busiest buildings, these water fountains are well-loved—and they show it, with punched-in buttons and questionable cleanliness. Stopping for a drink between classes at one of these fountains is perilous at best due to the heavy hallway traffic. However, risk aside, we were impressed by the the taste and temperature of every one of the G fountains. They may not be the best place to fill your bottle, though, considering the low flow and possibility of being jostled by a passerby.
Outside G104
Taste: 5 (no aftertaste!)
Temperature: 5
Arc: 3 (consistent, but low)
Filling Time: 28.50 s
Quality: 3.5 (there’s a stain)
Verdict: The side buttons are harder to press than the middle one. Don’t fill your bottle here, but it’s great for a quick drink.
Outside G111
Taste: 5
Temperature: 5
Arc: 1 (pitiful)
Filling Time: 41.72 s, but only to the 20-oz mark due to the low arc
Structure: 3.5 (no side buttons)
Verdict: Water like this shouldn’t be insulted by such faulty mechanics. If you don’t mind getting up close and personal with fountains, you should consider drinking from this one. Otherwise, just walk around the corner.
Outside G216
Taste: 5
Temperature: 4
Arc: 3 (consistent, but not too high)
Filling Time: 26.13 s, but only to the 20-oz mark due to the low arc
Structure: 2.5 (vibrates and clicks)
Verdict: If you’re looking to have something to listen to while drinking, this is the fountain for you. The faucet here looks a little worse for wear. The right button is also missing—in general, G is not great for side-button aficionados.
Outside G203
Taste: 5
Temperature: 5 (cold!)
Arc: 3
Filling Time: 26.61 s
Structure: 5
Verdict: The button is easy to push and the water is refreshing. This is the recommended fountain for upstairs-G.
H-Building
Is it a coincidence that the science-building water fountains taste so metallic? We’re not sure. If you’ve got the time, head over to G for cleaner-tasting water. If not, be prepared for an array of aftertastes, depending on your fountain of choice.
Outside H203
Taste: 3 (chlorine aftertaste)
Temperature: 4.5 (cold and refreshing)
Arc: 3 (wavers slightly, but high enough)
Filling Time: 25.44 s
Structure: 3.5
Verdict: This is the coldest water fountain in H, but its chlorine aftertaste makes you wonder where the chemistry sink pipes really lead. However, if you need a drink in upstairs-H, hydrate here before you dehydrate some compounds.
Outside H225
Taste: n/a
Temperature: n/a
Arc: n/a
Filling Time: n/a
Structure: 0
Verdict: This is the saddest water fountain we’ve ever seen. It looks like something that Wall-E would have discovered as he excavated post-Armageddon Earth.
Outside H107
Taste: 3 (long, weak aftertaste)
Temperature: 3 (cold, but not refreshing)
Arc: 3.5 (slightly variable)
Filling Time: 23.70 s
Structure: 5
Verdict: The buttons are easy to press, and the design is streamlined and reasonably clean. If you’re in downstairs-H and need a drink, choose this fountain.
H114
Taste: 1 (strong, metallic aftertaste)
Temperature: 4
Arc: 3 (consistent but splattering)
Filling Time: 24.73 s
Structure: 3
Verdict: Don’t even think about filling a water bottle here. The side buttons don’t work, and the hard-to-push button makes it difficult to keep a consistent height and will ultimately leave you with a sore hand and several cups of poor-tasting water.
J-Building
The water fountain in J-hallway may appear to have a monopoly on the administrative wing, but don’t be fooled. This fountain supplied mediocre water that will make you head to nearby H-Building for a drink. Trust your instincts: even the slightly metallic water there is better than what these fountains provide.
J-hallway
Taste: 2 (a pronounced taste that lingers)
Temperature: 4
Arc: 5
Filling Time: 23.47 s
Structure: 4.5
Verdict: It’s strategically placed, but provides sub-par water. If you’re entering from outside, wait until you reach H-Building, and if you’re leaving for the parking lot, plan to fill your water bottle before hand. The borderline sewer taste isn’t worth it.
K-Building
The Spanish students are muy afortunado; they get the opportunity to use the Language Lab fountain without going out of their way. The school clearly wants you to work for your water, with the best fountain of all found at the farthest end of the farthest building. Its slightly slanted structure will quickly be forgotten the second the crystal-clear, ice-cold water passes your lips. If you’re thirsty and have some time to kill, it’s worth every step and then some.
Outside K1
Taste: 2 (tastes like the bathroom smells)
Temperature: 4
Arc: 4 (consistent, but bobs after a while)
Filling Time: 29.08 s
Structure: 1 (clunky; don’t use side buttons)
Verdict: This fountain is tucked away in a small corner, only visible to those leaving K. If you didn’t know it existed, you’re not missing much. For once, we wish the olfactory and gustatory senses weren’t so closely linked. Make the quick walk to the other K water fountain.
Language Lab
Taste: 5
Temperature: 5 (this should be a 6; it’s amazing)
Arc: 4
Filling Time: 26.49 s
Structure: 2 (skewed basin, doesn’t fully drain)
Verdict: It doesn’t look like much, but this is truly the hidden gem of all the water fountains in the school. The low-resistance (pièce de résistance?) button allows you to obtain high quality water with the pressure of only one finger. The water is chilled, clear, and silky smooth. In the moment the first sip passed our lips, we swear, we were infinite. There always seems to be a discarded lunch tray on the floor near the fountain, but it’s worth braving a small amount of chili to reach your cold, refreshing dreams.
“PE periods would be more refreshingly and effectively spent if students jogged to K for some real water”: true true