Popcorn in hand, I sat down to Star Wars: The Force Awakens with high expectations. Although I was skeptical of the overwhelmingly positive reviews given to me by the Star Wars fanatics who had seen the movie the first day it showed at Regal, expert critics and thorough questioning of early viewers convinced me that the film was worth seeing.
Before I go into my review, an important disclaimer: I am not a Star Wars fan. This was the first movie in the franchise I can remember watching, and besides a basic understanding of the series’ premise, I came into the movie a blank slate.
Episode VII features our heroes, the rebellious Stormtrooper Finn and Rey, a scavenger from Jakku (yes—the planets have stupid names. I agree), on a hunt for a map that will lead them to Luke Skywalker, who is currently in hiding. With assistance from Han Solo, Chewbacca, and Princess (now General) Leia, they battle giant man-eating aliens, evade capture from the evil First Order, and blow a lot of stuff up.
The movie did get a few things right. It was somewhat exciting, featuring lightsabers, laser guns, and zero gravity, with a lot of action-packed fight scenes. The plot moved quickly, the special effects were good, and the acting wasn’t bad. Jokes were frequent, and some of them were surprisingly amusing, though I don’t recall actually laughing at any point in the movie (the same cannot be said for others in the audience, who went absolutely nuts anytime a character referenced a previous movie).
Sadly, for those of us who aren’t avid Star Wars fanatics, the movie didn’t live up to the high expectations we were saddled with. The biggest issue for me was the plot, which was riddled with holes. I left the movie with more questions than answers—not the good philosophical kind, but the annoyed and frustrated ones. So as to not spoil the movie, I won’t go into much depth here. I think it suffices to point out that the protagonists’ goal was to complete the map to find Luke, but the path by which they completed this task could’ve been done far more efficiently and the movie could’ve ended halfway through.
The movie was also filled with scenes that straight up made no sense. Now, granted, this is a work of science fiction. However, I still think it’s fair to expect some level of reality. Many good pieces of sci-fi, such as Interstellar (and I’m not counting the ending, which was awful) go to great lengths to have accurate science, and even hire actual scientists to advise them. With that in mind, a few basic logical facts for J.J. Abrams:
- Explosions in space don’t make noise. Not even in fictional universes. This doesn’t make sense.
- Sucking the mass of an entire star into a planet over the course of a few days would cause said planet to accelerate so rapidly that everything on it would be flung off into outer space. This is basic conservation of mass, and, yes, it still applies in fictional universes.
- In a universe where AI is just as intelligent as people and robots like C-3PO can talk and have emotions, there is absolutely no way an army would send actual people to do fighting. Anyone that died in this movie could’ve been saved by replacing humans (and sentient aliens) with robots.
- A gun on one side of a trench firing at a spaceship flying through said trench would hit the other side of the trench and damage allied gunners. This defense system is essentially shooting yourself in the foot.
- If one side in a conflict has the potential to completely obliterate the other side, with no risk of backlash or mutually assured destruction, and this side was supposedly completely evil, they wouldn’t wait to do so.
Finally, I felt the movie was almost beating a dead horse. While some may find jokes about previous movies amusing and cute, I think it showed a certain desperation. Every time Abrams tried to excite us by showing the Millennium Falcon, or having characters say lines they said in previous movies, it felt like he was saying “Look! Look at these good things we did back then!” instead of letting the movie stand for itself. I’ll be honest: when Harrison Ford showed up as Han Solo, the people sitting behind me almost exploded with excitement, and when he made a joke about a trash compactor, they absolutely lost it. As someone who got the jokes, but isn’t invested in the franchise, these gags seemed a little shallow.
Overall, I think this movie was nothing more than bland entertainment. Sure, it was fun to watch. But unlike truly good movies, it didn’t leave me inspired. It didn’t blow my mind with a twist ending. It didn’t make me question my morality, or awe me with a clever plot. It didn’t make me feel anything. The movie is possibly best summed up by the Disney castle that is displayed even before the classic yellow text opening. Ultimately, Star Wars: The Force Awakens was an amusing kids movie, and nothing more.