- Ha Ha Clinton-Dix
Hahahahahahahhahahahahaha. All jokes aside, saying the name “Ha Ha Clinton-Dix” is like having a little party with yourself, earning him the number one spot on this list. The name is a hyphen goldmine, contains what some might consider a dirty joke if you read it slow enough, and MAJOR KEY—he plays for the Packers.
- Sokratis Papastathopoulos
His name seems like it should be in a national spelling bee. Language of origin? Greek. Definition? Soccer player with a great name. Part of speech? Proper noun. Use it in a sentence? “Dude, did you watch the game last night? Sokratis Papastathopoulos played. The TV could barely fit his name on screen it was awesome.”
- Hakeem Olajuwon
The owner of the “Dream Shake” and a wonderfully entertaining name, Hakeem Olajuwon won back-to-back NBA titles, the NBA MVP, Defensive Player of the Year, and Finals MVP (all in the same year), and was inducted into the NBA hall of fame. Not too shabby.
- Giannis Antetokounmpo
To be honest I still have trouble pronouncing his name. I mean, say it slowly and sound it out, bit by bit, then try to put it all together. It takes some practice. Antetokounmpo currently plays for the Milwaukee Bucks, and clocking in at a 7’4” wingspan, he’s a force to be reckoned with. Also hailing from Greece like our friend Papastathopoulos at number two, Antetokounmpo has been told he hasn’t finished growing yet, and could expect to reach at least 7’ by the end of his career, which is still a very young one.
- Yaya Toure
The captain of the Ivory Coast National Team, or Les Éléphants, Yaya Toure earned his spot on this list because of how cool you feel when you say his name. If you’re playing Scattergories and you get stuck with a Y and names, you’re welcome.
- Coco Crisp
Great name, and may I say, great hair. With a ‘fro for the ages, Coco Crisp made the list because his name quite literally is what it is. The many c’s combined with the “-sp” at the end of the name make me consider it crisp. Like Rice Krispies.
- Bas Dost
His name may sound like that of a bounty hunter from Star Wars or an old Nazi propaganda movie, but this Dutch soccer star has not only begun to find his form for club and country—he has also found his photogenic side.
- Shabazz Bozie Napier
Shabaaaaaaaaaaazzzzz Napierrrrrr. His name is all over the place, combining napier, showbiz, and pizazz. The immense amount of z’s contained within one name is almost too much to handle. Yet every time you hear it, you can’t help but say “Shabaaaaaazzzzzz Napierrrrrr.”
- Bastian Schweinsteiger
As German as German can be, der Fußballgott has a reputation for being a brutish and physical player on the pitch. Luckily, this goes perfectly with his name, the epitome of German masculinity.
- Ronaldinho
Arguably one of the best soccer players ever, this Brazilian native also has both an iconic name and image. Ronaldinho is a fun name to say. From the “Ronald-” to the “-inho”, his name has both an element of familiarity and an exotic flair.