A name is a powerful thing; it tells a lot about a person. More importantly, it says a lot about the parents. As a future parent, it’s your job to give your child the best shot in life possible. The process of naming a child can either be the first step in the creation of a “free spirit” or a well-functioning adult. I’ve come up with some basic naming guidelines that will allow you creativity while ensuring that your child does not end up in a commune or a cult for the majority of their twenties.
First, if you think a joke name is a good idea, don’t have children. No one that seriously considers Megatron as a name for their child is fit to raise another human. You should do some serious soul searching if you legitimately think that a funny name is a good idea.
Another tip: don’t pick names that easily translate into mean nicknames. Children, especially young ones, are not nice and will pounce at the opportunity to make fun of someone. Of course bullying is wrong, but in reality, everyone gets called a mean name at some point in their lives. A name like Anally or Assia does not bode well for the child’s future on the playground. Before you settle on a name, say it out loud and see if any nicknames immediately jump out at you.
There’s no reason to get overly fancy with names. If you like the name Max but want something a little more fancy, Maximilian works. However, you have to be careful not to overdo twists on otherwise normal names. Changing Lexy to Lexxi because you think it looks prettier is a recipe for disaster. Your child will have to forever live with people misspelling their names on Starbucks cups, and it won’t be anyone’s fault but yours. Keep it simple; not every name has to be something completely different.
Lastly, don’t give your child a stupid name. Parents that decide Sparkle or Basil is a good name don’t end up with a child in the Ivy Leagues, it just doesn’t happen. If you want your child to have the best shot at a good life, give them a name that won’t immediately get their resumes thrown out. Like it or not, first impressions are important, and naming your child Sunflower is not going to do them any favors.