Aries (Mar. 21–Apr. 19): Someone running in place isn’t moving any faster than someone standing still.
Taurus (Apr. 20–May 20): Silver bullets don’t exist. You’re better off trying to juggle spaghetti. You’re the teacher’s pet, but you’re also homeschooled.
Gemini (May 21–June 20): Confusion or clarity? I’m not sure, but I’m certain it’s either one or the other. You’re trying to build with legos but all you have is duplos.
Cancer (June 21–July 22): Venus, your spirit mother, is calling to you this weekend. Despite your falling out with your “fun uncle,” expect to rekindle that flame over a friendly competitive game of mini golf.
Leo (July 23–Aug. 22): Grab the bull by the horns and milk it for what it’s worth. The world is your oyster, you cunning cheat.
Virgo (Aug. 23–Sep. 22): For good luck, toss a packet of salt over your left shoulder and recite the four noble truths to yourself silently under your breath whenever you use the words “I” or “me” in a sentence – being less self-aggrandizing will prove virtuous.
Libra (Sep. 23–Oct. 22): Giving up is an option, not a choice. Succeeding is a reward, not a prize. Be skeptical, not doubtful.
Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21): Smell that? It’s fear, and you reek of it. Try deodorizing with a confident movement towards self-doubt.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21): Putting too much on your plate and then biting off more than you can chew is a recipe for disappointment. Pace yourself.
Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19): You’re one of a kind, and trust me not everyone gets that type of a compliment. Make sure to like and subscribe <3
Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18): You’re one of a kind, and trust me not everyone gets that type of a compliment. Make sure to like and subscribe <3
Pisces (Feb. 19–Mar. 20): If you’re looking for answers, you’re in the wrong place. Try looking under the carpet or between some pillows, who knows, maybe you’ll find your keys while you’re at it. If you do I take all the credit and none of the responsibility©.