While a Hall Monitor was regretfully not created for this issue, Jacob Silcoff ’17 (also known as “Silky J”), known for his controversial column What Triggered Jacob This Month (WTJTM), was gracious enough to answer some tough questions in reference to his role in The Tattler.
David Sheng ’19: Is porn educational?
Jacob Silcoff: Of course not. But pizza also isn’t educational, and my ability to use the Internet isn’t restricted so that the district can stop students from eating pizza.
DS: Do you ever get tired of being right?
JS: As my friend Jamie Lovette ’17 once said, “It gets kind of boring sometimes. You need someone to compete with.” But in all seriousness, it would be great for some people to write counter arguments to WTJTM. For the most part, I don’t, strictly speaking, believe the stuff I write in WTJTM—it’s about starting a discussion by providing a perspective that people don’t usually think about. I write opinions that I think are interesting or worth sharing, not necessarily ones I personally have.
DS: What are you doing with your hair?
JS: Does it look like I’m doing something with my hair?
DS: What would happen if you had a conversation with a clone of yourself?
JS: Once we finished complimenting each other’s stunning good looks and incredible intellect, we’d probably just go back and forth agreeing about how stupid various things were.
DS: What is Taiwan?
JS: Everything good about China without the dictatorship, internet censorship, or terrible pollution—there still is some pollution, it’s just not as bad.
DS: What is good about China?
JS: It pisses off Trump, which is wonderful. And it gives me license to shut down SJWs afraid of cultural appropriation. Where else would Korea and Japan derive the entirety of their culture?
DS: Have you played frisbee in the quad before?
JS: No. I’m the reason gym teachers don’t use a captain system to pick teams.
DS: What is the meaning of life?
JS: This is one of those stupid questions that never made any sense to me. What is the meaning of celery? Not like what is celery, but what does it mean? What is the significance of celery? What is the point of celery? Soon I’m gonna have to invent some sort of crazy celery theology to start answering these nonsensical questions, and then that theology will inevitably fracture as people disagree on random things and people will kill each other over it.