With the Literary Issue, I’ve been forced to compress two months of triggering into a single column. At the same time, I’ve been triggered more and more by things that are too small by themselves to warrant an entire article. Thus, in this special edition of WTJTM, I will detail a list of small annoyances—“microaggressions,” to follow a theme that coincidentally microaggresses some IHS student—that drive me absolutely nuts.
- Useless Signature Forms
As some of you who follow me on Snapchat (@jacobsilcoff) may know, being forced to have parents sign forms for no reason is a major pain. Offenders include teachers, who for some reason feel a need to make us get our parents to sign their syllabuses (my parents don’t care, I’ve forged the signatures on all of them thank you very much), as well as dance contracts, digital safety forms, etc. None of these are binding in any way; it’s not as if the district needs your signature to punish you for breaking rules or teachers need a parent signature for literally anything. It’s a waste of time, and it feels a bit patronizing—are we not responsible enough to follow the rules and be responsible for our schoolwork without having our parents involved? And for those who actually do need their parents to be involved, does anyone really believe these forms are helping? I think not. For “other” information, see the edition of “Tristan’s Angst” titled “Field Trip Forms” published in the September issue of The Tattler.
- The Graduation Ceremony
A few things: Firstly, I don’t understand the hype. The administration loves to scare students by threatening to stop them from walking at graduation, but in all honesty I can’t fathom why anyone would want to sit for hours listening to the names of their classmates followed by a generic speech, a better version of which could be watched on YouTube any day—but no one chooses to because why would anyone want to.
The other issue I have here is the requirement that students wear a cap and gown. It’s one thing to recommend it, but to force people to participate in such a silly tradition is insane. Caps and gowns are ugly, and they can only be worn once before ending up stowed away in a closet or landfill. Forcing people to spend $35 to look stupid during the most boring day of their life microaggresses the crap out of me.
- Library Sign In
I’ve talked about this before, so I’ll just pose a few questions: Why don’t administrators require students to show ID and a schedule before entering H-Courtyard, the Quad, or the Cafeteria? What makes the library special? If anything, shouldn’t the library, which has adult supervision and educational materials, be viewed as a better place to allow students to freely go?
- “There is no…”
This is a linguistic annoyance more than anything else, but there is a specific phrasing choice that bothers me a great deal, which begins with “There is no…” and then ends with something the speaker wants to forbid. Instead of sounding like an order or desire, it sounds like a statement of fact, which serves to make the speaker look wrong instead of authoritative. So when Mr. Trumble says “There is no food in H-Courtyard,” I get annoyed, because everyone knows that there is food in H-Courtyard, whether Trumble and his cronies like it or not. What he means to say is “Do not eat in H-Courtyard,” the proper form of the imperative. The same goes for “We don’t…” and “You don’t…”
- Talking about oneself in the third person
Jacob won’t name any names, but he can’t stand this habit.
- Mandatory Community Service
Government classes mandate community service, a sentiment which I agree with, but a result I do not. When people are forced to do something, they lose their internal drive to do it. It’s simple psychology (“overjustification effect,” to use that AP Psych vocab). We need to get people to like community service, and mandating it isn’t the right environment for that. I don’t exactly have an alternative, but I think a new method should be considered.
- Senior Privilege
My qualm with senior privilege isn’t the privilege; it’s the “senior.” If students are given parental consent, and keep up their grades, there’s no good reason that juniors, sophomores, and even freshmen shouldn’t be allowed to leave school during their free periods. I’m currently working to extend senior privilege to juniors in Student Council, but because administrators are as they are, my dream of reasonable independence for all students is a near impossibility. That shouldn’t stop you from complaining to your AP, which I encourage each and every one of you to do.
- “School Appropriate”
People love to throw this phrase around, but almost nobody can actually explain why something is or is not “school appropriate.” Case in point: last year, when I was running for Student Council President, I had a line of posters that involved simple puns and minimal graphic design. Besides the infamous “The Steaks Are High” poster, which nearly got me in trouble for containing a rather large image of a joint (which I still don’t see as a problem—I highly doubt anyone actually thinks seeing a picture of a joint will increase drug use rates or anything measurable like that), what angered me most was a poster I had that involved nothing more than a piece of clothing. The slogan read “We Need Your Support,” and contained a cartoon image of a bra. No breasts of course, god forbid students might see a female boob, let alone a female nipple—just a blue bra. Principal Trumble claimed the poster to be not appropriate for school, a sentiment that I find inexcusable and personally offensive. Telling someone you don’t think they’re mature enough to handle seeing an article of clothing that half the population wears every day is patronizing to the extreme, and a perfect example of why the term “school appropriate” needs to be qualified with the actual harms of the offending thing. If you can come up with a reason that a bra would be inappropriate for school (no circular reasoning please), shoot me an email at jacobsilcoff@gmail.com—I’ll feature the best response in my next column.
- MLA Format
Why? If I had a dollar for every time I wanted to get to a website via an MLA citation instead of a hyperlink, I’d have more money than Donald Trump made in 1995.
- Classroom Requirements
Every year teachers feel the need to go over the “rules” of their class, which is fine in specific cases, but there are some tropes that need to end. For instance, teachers remind students they need to get to their class on time, which is very convenient so that students don’t confuse that class with the classes they’re allowed to be late to. The patronization thing plays a role here too. While it faded away in my higher-level classes, I have a distinct memory of a certain English teacher lecturing on “respect” and the like, treating a class of high-school students like preschoolers who didn’t know how to behave civilly before class had even started.