Aries (Mar. 21–Apr. 19): Someone who wears as much makeup as you do is hiding something more than your face. Secrets are best when kept—truths are better told.
Taurus (Apr. 20–May 20): A blindfold does nothing if you’re living in the dark. See with your thoughts and think with your eyes. You ever cringe so hard it feels like you’re paralyzed? I can tell you’ve been doing a lot of that lately by the way you walk.
Gemini (May 21–June 20): All coins have two sides, but not all are fair as many times as you’ll flip them in the air. Catch it on the head so you can take it by the tail.
Cancer (June 21–July 22): Delusional is a word the weak use to describe the strong. Your spirit mother is in your zone of enlightenment this week, use that to your advantage.
Leo (July 23–August 22): A sugar-coated lie tastes worse than a rotten truth. Choose wisely or bear the lessons of life. Can’t get on my level without shaking hands with the devil.
Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22): To turn over a new leaf, you must first plant the seed of change. Get in touch with your roots; they’ll keep you grounded.
Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22): People come and go, but you’ll always be here to stay. Keep the ones you like, and let the others go away.
Scorpio (October 23–November 21): Gold shines brighter next to bronze, and flowers smell sweeter next to honey. That doesn’t mean you’ll be happier with those who make you sad.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21): Juggling responsibilities, taming people with the fury of a lion, swallowing doubts like a sword, and learning to be shot from a cannon when you least expect it are all part of the circus of life. Hope you brought your peanuts.
Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19): Jesus at the wheel, God in shotty, Casey at the bat, Satan riding solo, and you’re on the roof. What is even happening to you right now? Better hold on tightly, this ride’s about to get bumpy.
Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18): Every high has its low, every tide has its bend, every mountain has its mesa. It’s only natural that your pride has its dips.
Pisces (Feb. 19–Mar. 20): Some words are just never meant to rhyme; don’t you think the orange wishes to be a lime? Don’t put something in a place where it doesn’t belong, don’t play music without a song.