Of all the methods of breaking up with someone, texting is cowardly, talking is hard, and emailing is unheard of. How about sending a song? Shakespeare once wrote, “If music be the food of love, play on.” However, what this playlist suggests is that if music can be the food to extinguish such love once and for all, then for all that is good in the world, play on.
- “Irreplaceable”: Beyoncé (2006)
Queen Bey really hit the nail on the head with this one. Not only does she remind your no-longer-loved-one of their irrelevant status in the world, but she also facilitates the awkward process of taking your things back. Everything you own in a box to the left.
- “You’ve Been a Good Ole Wagon”: Bessie Smith (1925)
…but Daddy, but you’ve done broke down. So we should break up. Leave all the feelin’ blue to the Empress of Blues herself because now you are as free as can be; and go shop for wagons, durable ones this time, please.
- “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off”: Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong (1957)
Disagree on the small things? He always wants Asia Cuisine and you want Taste of Thai? Time to call the whole thing off. I highly suggest an accompanying text that says, “Don’t they make a great pair? Ella and Louis. They were never together though. You know who else shouldn’t be together?”
- “Go Your Own Way”: Fleetwood Mac (1976)
Straightforward, only one direction. But not like One Direction because that’s “One Way or Another.” No no no, this is only one way, your way, your own way. The path will be illuminated in case of power shortage. It leads to the exit sign of the room and, coincidentally, of my life.
- “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do”:The Carpenters (1976)
“Wow, contrary to what the lyrics suggest, this catchy tune really does make breaking up seem pretty groovy. Wanna run an experiment and see if they’re right?”
- “Jessie’s Girl”: Rick Springfield (1981)
Now, I will admit this is not for every breakup situation. However, if you really are in love with Jessie’s or Andrew’s or Jennifer’s or whoever’s girl, the situation is weird enough. Just send the song and send the name. Cross your fingers and hope it ends there.
- “Second Best”: The Horses (eh, they play around)
Is your lovey dovey convinced he is Polo Ralph Lauren material? Is he so vain? Clouds in your coffee? Time to say goodbye to that not-so-gallant guy by dumping him, equestrian style.