Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22):
A bookshelf with every encyclopedia volume except for “O.”
Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21):
A lamp. With a dead fly inside.
Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21):
Mr. Potato Head with only one eye and lopsided lips.
Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19):
A singular piece of spaghetti.
Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18):
A slice of pizza with ham and pineapple, with people looking both disgusted and delighted. You may need to bring your friends to help you.
Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20):
One of those really big tuna fish that you see in documentaries about the sea.
Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19):
The kitchen sink. With food scraps stuck in the drain.
Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20):
Just the legs of a horse costume.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20):
A fork with the prongs bent every which way.
Cancer (June 21 – Jul 22):
A full body mirror covering yourself completely but with a hole for your face so that when people look into the mirror all they see is you and you can tell them how pretty they look.
Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22):
A clock set at the time of your birth.
Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22):
A tote bag full of groceries with carrots and baguettes sticking out of the top. And a print of Obama’s face on the bag