Throughout March, thirteen members of the class of 2019 were hospitalized after showing symptoms for the serious medical condition known as “senioritis.” After it was discovered that all thirteen had been in H-Courtyard in the days before the condition’s onset, the area was immediately quarantined. Students who were present in H-Courtyard at the start of the quarantine have not been permitted to leave, for fear that they may have contracted the deeply contagious condition.
“The senioritis epidemic is a serious issue facing our nation’s youth, and recognizing the symptoms early is key to fighting it,” the Surgeon General wrote in a report released earlier this year. “High school seniors seeming less uptight than usual are encouraged to see their doctors immediately.” Other symptoms to watch out for include low grades, general laziness, and frequent absences from Gov and Econ classes.
Although senioritis makes yearly appearances at IHS, 2019 has seen the most severe outbreak in recent memory. Many victims were caught off guard by the unexpected onset of the condition. “I never thought it would happen to me,” said one IHS senior who chose to remain anonymous due to the stigma surrounding the condition. “One day I was thinking, ‘Hey, maybe my Gov homework isn’t that important.’ The next morning, I woke up in a hospital bed, and the doctor told me that I had contracted senioritis.” Hoping to control the spread of senioritis, ICSD has urged all students to report any of their peers who have been showing symptoms. “When you see a friend of yours arriving to school late, or forgetting to do their calculus homework, it is up to you to report them before it’s too late,” Mr. Trumble told seniors during an assembly held to address the senioritis crisis. “If you see something, say something.”
The status of the students still quarantined in H-Courtyard remains unknown. However, their low GPAs and the unshaven appearance of the group’s males suggest that senioritis has gotten to them too. Senioritis, unfortunately, has no known cure, and may continue to afflict students until graduation takes place.