As the inevitable day of mischief looms closer by the day, many of us may already be taking advantage of our newfound free time to commit terrible grievances against those whom we love the most. The possibilities are endless—but certain fates are best left unexplored. Here are some ground rules to keep in mind for this year’s April Fools’.
1) KEEP IT TO ONE DAY
The moral acceptability of April Fools’ Day lies in the fact that it is a universally acknowledged day of pranks and practical jokes, a fact that provides potential victims with just enough warning to provide a suitable alibi for their offenders. If someone falls for a prank on the first of April, the burden of responsibility really falls upon the victim for not being aware of the particular day on which they were minding their own business.
However, this moral defense falls apart rather quickly as soon as these limits are breached. If a given victim’s appendages are still covered in dry-erase markers on the morning of April 2, the offender must now assume responsibility for not respecting the sacred boundaries of the one day in which mischief is allowed to reign supreme. In short, just don’t overstep your bounds.
2) DON’T COMMIT ACTUAL CRIMES
Unfortunately, our nation’s legal system does not have as great a sense of humor as your siblings. Although April Fools’ is ubiquitously known as a day in which regular moral regulations simply do not apply, Congress does not seem to have caught up with the times, as all laws still remain in effect throughout the entirety of the day. This obviously poses a major inconvenience to potentially amazing April Foolery, but the author of this piece has sadly found no attempts to nullify all laws on April Fools’ in the historical archives.
3) LIMIT PHYSICAL HARM
The healthcare industry also does not have a great sense of humor and will not treat your victims for a discounted cost on April Fools’.
4) MUTUAL IGNORANCE
What happens on April 1 should stay on April 1; any and all arguments about pranks committed on this day shall never be brought up again in regular conversations on any other day. If a particularly notable prank was committed, participants may wait until the following year’s April Fools’ Day to discuss the details of said prank.
Similarly, grievances concerning the events of April 1 shall be emotionally repressed until the following year, when revenge and retribution are perfectly acceptable means of expression (keeping conditions 2 and 3 in mind).
With these rules in mind, let the chaos begin.