The universal anguish of pouring oneself a bowl of light, crispy breakfast cereal, only to find most of it sunken to the bottom, slimy and unappetizing, in a matter of minutes—it’s suffering, and worse yet, it’s preventable suffering. The inherently repulsive nature of soggy breakfast cereal is one of the few things people can generally agree on, and yet typical methods of cereal consumption today seem to disregard it entirely. Why? Why must we abandon innovation? Allow me, in the following brief (but assuredly life changing) paragraphs, to shine the divine light of rationality upon you.
Now, I occasionally find myself victim to the question, “When you have a bowl of cereal, what do you pour first: the milk, or the cereal?” This is comparable to the “Is water wet?” quandary, but differs from it in two significant ways: firstly, while there is a relatively equal division of opinion on whether or not water is, indeed, wet, there seems to be a vastly more popular answer to the milk/cereal ordering question. Secondly, while the wetness of water might be a largely philosophical question, there is a clearly correct answer when it comes to the milk/cereal debate, and brace yourself: it’s not the popular one.
Approach any group, and you’ll almost certainly find an overwhelming majority of people with a cereal-first mentality. This is tragically irrational. Mob mentality has plagued America for centuries, but this is really where it gets unbearable. Now, I understand people’s initial wariness of milk-first cereal consumption. Some questions are bound to come up: “If I pour the milk first, how will I have enough room on top for all the cereal? What if I don’t pour in enough cereal? If I pour in the same amount of cereal that I would have, aren’t I ultimately having the same experience I would with the cereal-first method?”
These are valid concerns, but let me provide a genius solution to every potential problem above: the box of cereal is right there. It’s not that significant of an undertaking to just pick it back up and pour some more cereal on top of the milk. See? You’ve just improved your dining experience threefold—not only have you eliminated the prospect of sogginess in your cereal, you have vastly increased the amount of control you have: you didn’t commit to a certain quantity of cereal when you first poured it, so you won’t be left hungry. On top of that, you can now bend the milk-cereal ratio to your will, never having to eat any unappealing, almost-dry breakfast cereal. Lastly, since you’re paying more attention to preparing the dish, you’ll be able to enjoy it more thoroughly and attentively.
It’s indisputable—this is an immensely better approach. Innovation starts with us—it starts with you, and you’re too good for mediocre, outdated cereal consumption. Start living your best life, embracing rationality, and eating cereal the correct way. Thank you.