Content warning: This article discusses mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, and suicide.
Life is hard, plain and simple. We enter this planet without a single explanation for why we exist or where we are supposed to go. And our uncertainties are not stupid or wrong; having questions about life is simply human. For generations, people have fought through all sorts of difficulties ranging from anxiety and depression to mania and psychosis. Each year, eight hundred thousand people die from suicide.
In the past five days leading up to the writing of this paper, I have been admitted to a mental hospital at Cayuga Medical Center. I am learning a variety of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) concepts. During this process, I have asked many people with varying degrees of experience in mental health the same question:
“Why do you live?”
In my opinion, asking this question requires the understanding that for some people, living is a choice, not a requirement. And I believe that providing these people with a few reasons why living is important could be helpful.
Here are my favorite responses to the question “Why do you live?”:
- You matter, at least a little. To family, to friends, to pets, to society. In the midst of global isolation (Covid-19) and working through social boundaries in this school, it becomes easy (and possibly comforting) to feel as if your life means nothing. I can assure you, your life means something to someone right now. It’s up to you to decide how much you think that matters
If you heartily disagree with the statement that you are important, or you believe that your life is ultimately meaningless, I suggest that you look further into how much other people matter to you. The statements “I don’t matter” or “nothing matters” insinuates that no one else matters to you. If you have someone in your life that you care about, maybe a friend, family member, or romantic partner, and you would rather those people exist than not, chances are, one of those people would rather you exist than not, and so your life is noteworthy and meaningful to someone. Getting lost in existentialism about how “eventually everything will be gone” is pointless when there are people in your life right now that depend on you for comfort in their lives. Dying prematurely is a disservice to everyone, including yourself.
- Living is just like anything else. The more you do it, the better you get at it. If you play piano every day for ten years, by the time you finish you will be somewhat proficient at your craft. Life is the same. The longer you live, the better you get at living.
My dad sent me a letter a few days ago. One of the lines states, “The biggest tragedy of suicide is not that someone misses out on the joys of life, such as falling in love, having children, visiting exotic places, or having exciting adventures. The biggest tragedy is that the person never discovers how interconnected we all are or their own inner fortitude.”
I find this quote to be helpful in understanding that you are almost guaranteed to become wiser, stronger, and more grown after you have moved beyond a struggle. That doesn’t mean you won’t leave a problem with a chip on your shoulder, but rather that you will have learned some resilience by going through that painful process, and that you have subsequently improved as a person.
- Just because life isn’t fun now doesn’t mean it never will be. I have gained a variety of skills throughout my life: the ability to play multiple instruments, the knowledge to assemble a desktop computer, and the persistence to steadily improve on my goal of learning a second language. One thing I can confidently say about learning a new skill is that it is always somewhat difficult at first. You are probably in high school. If you are under the age of twenty, and you are expected to live until the age of eighty, how can you expect to be good at living, when you have only lived for twenty-five percent of your expected existence?
To think that not being good at life now means that you never will be is a bunch of horse shit. Expecting success at the beginning of a new endeavor is a one-way street to disappointment. Allow yourself time to improve before you throw it all away.
- You never know what is going to happen next, and that’s part of what makes life fun. Maybe you die tomorrow, or maybe you make a big discovery about something you’re working on. Maybe you get a scholarship to an Ivy League college. Maybe you get a thousand listens to your most recent song on Soundcloud. Whatever it is, there is always the potential for things to improve in a profound manner. Why not wait around and see what happens?
It’s best to play your cards before you quit the game, especially if you’ve been dealt a poor hand. You’ve made it this far, so why not keep going? Even one day at a time?
I say these things not to put myself on a pedestal, or to tell others what to do. I say these things because I too have had these questions and wondered what it all meant, and these are the answers that helped me.
If you have read this article and are still thinking about committing suicide or know others who are struggling, please contact someone. Reach out to a parent, therapist, trusted adult, close friend, or the suicide hotline at (607) 272-1616. Thank you for reading, and best of luck.