Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19):
You will have a dramatic and epic fall this month. Thankfully, your friends caught it on video and now you’re internet famous.
Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20):
After tripping over your untied shoelaces countless times in the past, you vowed to only wear crocs this month. It helps, but now you stumble because your crocs are three sizes too big.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20):
You’ll trip over a sidewalk crack in an incredibly embarrassing fashion, but luckily no one will be around to see it.
Cancer (June 21 – Jul 22):
You’ll slip on a banana peel that your friends strategically placed in front of you.
Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22):
You won’t fall once this month. You have impeccable balance and flawless spatial awareness.
Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22):
What won’t you fall over this month?
Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22):
You will trip and fall into a puddle. You’ll end up sitting there for a little while, contemplating the unfairness of life.
Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21):
You’ll fall in love with a lizard you find sitting on the sidewalk. You’ll name him Ernie. He will become your best friend.
Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21):
You’ll stumble into a deep and endless pit, and you shall fall for twelve years as you slowly descend into the center of the earth.
Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19):
You’ll trip over a cucumber that fell off the shelves in the produce aisle. Don’t worry, though. You’ll sue the store and win.
Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18):
You will fall into a vat of radioactive waste and you’ll acquire superhuman strength.
Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20):
Watch out for the groundhogs. They’re plotting your downfall.