Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19):
You’ll read a book about how caring for plants can help with stress, and suddenly you’ll have a watering spreadsheet, about two hundred succulents, and your plant sitter as the emergency contact in your phone. But it’ll totally work, you’ll be super relaxed, 100%.
Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20):
You’ll be so proud of the self-portrait you made in art class you’ll hang it up in your room, right across from your bed, but then it won’t stop staring at you. It’ll drive you crazy, but you won’t be able to stop looking at it, and you’ll regret ever taking that art class. (Just wait until you read “The Yellow Wallpaper” in English.)
Gemini (May 21 – June 20):
When you went to the flea market with your aunt during thanksgiving, and she found three taxidermied squirrels, an elk head, and a stuffed eagle for your room, there just wasn’t time to explain you’re vegetarian. Congrats, your room will officially be Hunting Lodge Core.
Cancer (June 21 – Jul 22):
To help with your fear of the dark, you bought some string lights in a crazy Black Friday fifty for the price of one sale. You’ll hang them all up in your room and end up being less afraid at night, but the doctor will also say you’re going blind. What to do?
Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22):
You’ll try to rewatch Marie Kondo as a joke, but then all of your things will just make you feel claustrophobic. Who needs a bed, anyway?
Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22):
Buzz. Bees are so cool. You’ll wake up one day and realize your mission is to save the bees. You’ll convert all of your furniture into beehive boxes. The neighbors won’t be happy, but at least you’ll give them free honey by the gallon.
Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22):
Your Economics class will just finish its unit on inflation, and you’ll be ready to plan for the future. Just like old baseball cards, you’ll know beanie boos will be worth thousands in coming years—the only question will be where to put them all.
Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21):
You’ll convince yourself that your home is haunted. To ward off evil spirits, you’ll hang up Brigid’s crosses and arrange lines of salt in your doorways.
Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21):
Making ships in bottles will be a good, healthy way to spend your time. I mean, it’s eccentric, fun, and you’ll be recycling old materials. You won’t leave the house anymore, but you’ll also take vitamins, so it’s probably fine.
Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19)
You’ll party so often it won’t be worth taking the decorations down in between. A disco ball and streamers will be permanent additions to your home.
Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18):
Your new crocheting craze will officially go too far. You’ll be deep in debt, your room will be covered in throw pillows and blankets, and the craft store will put a restraining order on you after an incident over some worsted wool. You’ll be pretty cozy, though, all things considered.
Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20):
How could this happen? You thought your Red Hot Chili Peppers obsession was under control, but soon you won’t be able to see your walls under all the posters. You just *wink wink* can’t stop.