H🌀PE

i sit aloft the top of the hill

under the cherry tree

     a glance in my direction

i open and flip to my page

the fight at home where I left off

     i couldn’t care less what they think about me, i suppose

i let time pass me by

My imagination throwing me into its own world

I have no control [now]

     A group of girls walk by and whisper, giggle

Whisper, giggle

I wish my imagination could be a reality

     Will they ever stop?  i wonder 

never

is the answer i’ve been looking for 

searching for

the answer 

   [for the fighting]

for the imagination to become a reality 

for them stopping 

i realise

in my own tumbled up delusion 

my hope is hopeless

my hope is unworthiness 

my hope is depressionate 

emptiness erupts around me, as though im falling straight through the earth with no one there to catch me

even if i fall the hard way down

      …………………

i realise

i’ve already fallen the hard way down

my hope surrenders

it backs off

and it scatters in multiple directions

and it leaves

because my hope

is gone

my hope

does 

not

exist.