In a sudden revelation, a serendipitous brainchild of fate, a disciplinary intersection of theory and application, what will henceforth be known as “the tossup that…
Posts tagged as “APRIL FOOLS’”
Instead of simply using the IHS Tattler to guard his partes privadas from the greasy chain of a moto, whatever that is, area English teacher…
Local Boy Qualifies for USAMO
By MATT MADICLY-SHALINJD on April 2017
On April 1, it was revealed that Casey Wetherbee ’17 had qualified for the United States of America Mathematical Olympiad (USAMO) to be held on…
On February 24, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer left representatives from numerous news outlets hungering for flustered gum-chewing, stuttering, and half-hearted justifications for golfing…
Literary Editor Frantically Writes “Haiku of the Month” Hours Before Deadline
By FYV SZEV’N-FYV on April 2017
Expletives were heard echoing through the deserted hallways of E-building as Tattler Literary Editor Ema Cornbread ’17 realized that no one had submitted a haiku…
IHS Administrators Ban Hot Food in The Cafeteria
By BOMBYX MORI on April 2017
After outraged parents threatened to sue over their child burning their tongue in IHS’s cafeteria, the administration has taken swift action to protect students. Their…
It seems to me that in past years, the disarmingly impenitent architects of our district policy have been redolent of archaic tradition, squandering crucial affluence…
ICSD Admins Found Playing AdventureQuest (and Other Video Games) on Chromebooks
By GALANOTH THE DRAGONSLAYER on April 2017
The beginning of last school year heralded the coming of the Chromebooks, whose rollout was anything but smooth. Controversy after controversy battered IHS as students…
IHS Student Resolves Messy Cultist Crisis
By MARK’S JAPE on April 2017
This March, IHS senior and Tattler Backpage Editor Abe Messing ’17, was sent to investigate the questionable ethics of Meshers Inc., a wire mesh factory…
Footsteps as Dr. Luvelle Brown walks down a IHS hallway, lost in thought as he flips through a folder. He is so engrossed that he…
Why the School is Trying to Kill Us
By AKINA BROWNIE on April 2016
The school has become a monster house with lead-contaminated water, asbestos-filled walls, floors falling out from under desks.
Tattler Introduces New Line of Cosmetics
By BILL SCHIEDT on April 2016
The blusher comes in one tone: Trumble Rouge.
On Senioritis
By THE TATTLER EDITORIAL BOARD on April 2016
(sorry for doing this so close to the deadline, it should be completed by March 31!) As we start to wind down the school…
Diversity Sought in Affirmative Action Policy
By HARVER DJARD on April 2016
Despite continuing attempts to continue to attempt to grow its pool of editor applications, the Tattler has met with little success in altering its classically…
Department Head: Fun, Games No Longer Part of Curriculum
By I’M CORNBREAD on April 2016
Recently, during a candid staff meeting held deep within ICSD, a department head declared that fun and games are not, in fact, supposed to be…
Why This Year is IHS’s Most Dangerous Yet
By KEN HOTATE on April 2016
As our dedicated readers may have noticed, this year has been extraordinarily eventful for IHS (and we haven’t even exited the Death March to spring…
Copy Editor No More
By DANIEL WHO? on April 2016
The position of Copy Editor has had a rich and varied history with the Tattler since the newspaper’s birth in 1892. Most Tattler issues display…
Hall Monitor
By X-GAMES JUNE on April 2016
What has it been like growing up in Ithaca as a person of color? How has the Ithaca community shaped your ethnic identity? Doug…
How to be Edgy. A Guide.
By LINKIN PARK on April 2016
“This black leather jacket would look great on me. Unfriended was such a good movie! Why don’t my parents/friends/therapists understand me?” If you’ve had any…
My Adventure in Upper K-building
By FIREBALL on April 2016
We find our intrepid hero lost in the bowels of the dark halls of upper K-building, having used a special program on his magic Chromebook…
Wound-Up: High School Years
By LINKIN PARK on April 2016
Although Park’s Wind-Up series saw great popularity upon the first release in early September, critics were quick to note the overall deterioration in quality of…