The Tattler

Identity

By ZACHARY FOLEY on May 2017

Is it the classes I take Is it the yards that I rake Is it my town by the lake Is it my dinner of…

A Family Undone and Unknown

By LILIA ROSE on May 2017

An angel A ghost A flame A wolf A cat And a tree As hard as I try I can’t change this My family It…

A Loss of Light Haiku

By ZACHARY FOLEY on May 2017

Can’t find any light A loss of order on Earth People start to fight

Commonalities of the Ones I Have Loved

By ANDREANNA DOWNING ZHENG on May 2017

wounded souls are drawn to their kin. jagged edges crash together, slicing each other apart in vain hopes that through this, they can be…

Memoria

By ALIZA ELLNER on May 2017

I saw her stand there on the shore And watch the current flowing by On and on, forever more Beyond the sight of mortal eyes…

Paperland

By EMILY HONG on May 2017

The wind goes in one direction All at once It moves against me As I walk ahead It pushes me backwards Taking me to a…

Why Russell Westbrook Deserves the MVP Award

Why Russell Westbrook Deserves the MVP Award

By MATT MACKENZIE on May 2017

As basketball season nears its end, the debate has inevitably begun over who should win the most coveted awards, especially the Most Valuable Player (MVP)…

Why AP Students Should Play Sports

By ASHA DUHAN on May 2017

Many AP students do not have time for sports. With homework for hours on end and excess extracurriculars to put on their college applications, playing…

Tristan’s Angst: Student Council to Take Revolutionary Action to Improve IHS, Situation Unresolved

By TRISTAN ENGST on May 2017

Following years of grandiose statements about being part of student democracy and allowing for leadership, the IHS Student Council voted to “become more important.” According…

The Coolness Spectrum

By THE TATTLER EDITORIAL BOARD on May 2017

COOL Symmetry New Tattler Editors Science March AP classes after AP tests Cinco de Mayo Cardboard that tastes like school pizza PROM!!! (Senior, Junior) Sunburns School…

How to Fix the Knicks 2.0

How to Fix the Knicks 2.0

By PATRICK YUAN on April 2017

Note: Tanking is the process of losing games intentionally to achieve higher draft picks. For the last few years, the New York Knicks have…

Horoscopes: Pick-Up Lines at a Baseball Game

By ABE MESSING on April 2017

Aries (Mar. 21–Apr. 19): I’ve been striking out all night but I think I’m about to make some solid connection with you; hey the name’s…

IHS Teacher Proves Riemann Hypothesis

IHS Teacher Proves Riemann Hypothesis

By QUINTIN EDGARD CAUCHY-SCHWARZ HÔPITAL de la DENIS on April 2017

In a sudden revelation, a serendipitous brainchild of fate, a disciplinary intersection of theory and application, what will henceforth be known as “the tossup that…

English Teacher Literally Defecates on Student Editorial

By JOSÉ ALEJANDRO RODRÍGUEZ on April 2017

Instead of simply using the IHS Tattler to guard his partes privadas from the greasy chain of a moto, whatever that is, area English teacher…

Local Boy Qualifies for USAMO

By MATT MADICLY-SHALINJD on April 2017

On April 1, it was revealed that Casey Wetherbee ’17 had qualified for the United States of America Mathematical Olympiad (USAMO) to be held on…

Sean Spicer Bans the IHS Tattler from All Future Press Conferences

By NEB NOMOLAS on April 2017

On February 24, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer left representatives from numerous news outlets hungering for flustered gum-chewing, stuttering, and half-hearted justifications for golfing…

Literary Editor Frantically Writes “Haiku of the Month” Hours Before Deadline

By FYV SZEV’N-FYV on April 2017

Expletives were heard echoing through the deserted hallways of E-building as Tattler Literary Editor Ema Cornbread ’17 realized that no one had submitted a haiku…

IHS Administrators Ban Hot Food in The Cafeteria

By BOMBYX MORI on April 2017

After outraged parents threatened to sue over their child burning their tongue in IHS’s cafeteria, the administration has taken swift action to protect students. Their…

An Assessment of Our Essential Technological Provisos

By LUVELLE “BIG LUVE” BROWN on April 2017

It seems to me that in past years, the disarmingly impenitent architects of our district policy have been redolent of archaic tradition, squandering crucial affluence…

ICSD Admins Found Playing AdventureQuest (and Other Video Games) on Chromebooks

By GALANOTH THE DRAGONSLAYER on April 2017

The beginning of last school year heralded the coming of the Chromebooks, whose rollout was anything but smooth. Controversy after controversy battered IHS as students…

IHS Student Resolves Messy Cultist Crisis

By MARK’S JAPE on April 2017

This March, IHS senior and Tattler Backpage Editor Abe Messing ’17, was sent to investigate the questionable ethics of Meshers Inc., a wire mesh factory…

Recorded Conversation Between Luvelle Brown and Jason Trumble

By FAYA MICKS TAYP on April 2017

Footsteps as Dr. Luvelle Brown walks down a IHS hallway, lost in thought as he flips through a folder. He is so engrossed that he…

Controversy Over Board of Education Executive Sessions

By DANIEL XU, JACOB SILCOFF (Staff Writer) on April 2017

ICSD is a massive entity, serving over 6,000 students at a dozen schools. Unlike the executive branch of the federal government, however, the decisions that…

Ithaca Residents Gather at Congressional Town Hall

Identity

A Family Undone and Unknown

A Loss of Light Haiku

Commonalities of the Ones I Have Loved

Memoria

Paperland

Why Russell Westbrook Deserves the MVP Award

Why AP Students Should Play Sports

Tristan’s Angst: Student Council to Take Revolutionary Action to Improve IHS, Situation Unresolved

The Coolness Spectrum

How to Fix the Knicks 2.0

Horoscopes: Pick-Up Lines at a Baseball Game

IHS Teacher Proves Riemann Hypothesis

English Teacher Literally Defecates on Student Editorial

Local Boy Qualifies for USAMO

Sean Spicer Bans the IHS Tattler from All Future Press Conferences

Literary Editor Frantically Writes “Haiku of the Month” Hours Before Deadline

IHS Administrators Ban Hot Food in The Cafeteria

An Assessment of Our Essential Technological Provisos

ICSD Admins Found Playing AdventureQuest (and Other Video Games) on Chromebooks

IHS Student Resolves Messy Cultist Crisis

Recorded Conversation Between Luvelle Brown and Jason Trumble

Controversy Over Board of Education Executive Sessions

Ithaca Residents Gather at Congressional Town Hall

Editorial: Political Dissent in School

Letter to the Editor: “On Teaching Good Writing” (February 2017)

I.T. Phone Home