As IHS descends into a murky future, torn between succeeding from the United States or remaining a small, measly high school, one may wonder what has led us here?
Who could be great enough to lead us from failure, toward greatness? Who could foster such a culture of love, and what is his origin story?
At 4:19 am, on April 1, on a farm outside of Ithaca, New York, strange things were happening. A student had returned from school the previous day, sick, and unbeknownst to the family, infected with asbestos. The child’s parents nevertheless forced him to do his chores. While going to collect eggs from the chicken coop, the child infected one of the chickens with asbestos poisoning. However, this story isn’t about the chicken.
That morning, as the roosters were crowing, and a light mist was rising over the Finger Lakes, the asbestos-infected chicken was laying her eggs. When the student’s mother came out to retrieve said eggs, she discovered something unusual, to say the least. An egg, roughly five-foot-eight in height and four feet wide. To her surprise, the egg began to hatch on the spot, and from the goo emerged our Supreme Overlord, Dr. Brown, already wearing a suit and bowtie and carrying a copy of what has been hailed as our generation’s bible, Culture of Love.
Now, with great power comes great responsibility, and while Dr. Brown definitely had the power, he still had a lot to learn. Almost immediately, the mother of the high school student fell to her knees and began worshiping our Supreme Overlord, to which he replied “Read my book, it’s on Amazon.” (Book of Luvelle, 6:9.) Sadly, at this time our Supreme Overlord had yet to learn to say anything else.
As our Supreme Overlord was brought to the farmhouse, he learned from the mother that her son was slowly dying of asbestos poisoning. He vowed to do something, stating that he would work hard to avenge the child that brought him to life.
Our Supreme Overlord reportedly spent months developing his powers, but he felt something was missing. Even with his supernatural abilities, he still didn’t know what he could do with the responsibility he had been given. Should he use his “No Comment” move that helped him shut down the press and manipulate board members? Should he use his “Superindentendant Smash” to smash out all other competition? Our leader was at a loss, and the Dark Days came upon us.
No one likes to speak of the Dark Days, when Supreme Overlord Brown announced he would be stepping down, but it must be mentioned in this man’s powerful origin story. However, I am not going to dwell on it, as a mere few months later our Overlord returned! Back and better than ever, he came with a new plan: to secede from the United States of America, and to form the Great Country of IHS.
Now, Supreme Overlord Dr. Brown watches over all of us from his giant mansion atop South Hill, and between home renovation projects and forming a new country, he’s working very hard to ensure that we all remain IHS strong.
