It’s official IHS: starting April 1, 2026, all PE courses and electives offered at IHS will automatically merge into a single section: Self-Defense for Everybody.…
Posts published in “April Fools’”
ICSD Staff Respond to Heated Rivalry Craze
By STUPID CANADIAN WOLF BIRD on April 2026
In November 2025, Crave’s new show, Heated Rivalry, took the hockey scene by storm. The show features two closeted LGBTQ+ Major League Hockey players who…
Day in the Life of Quad God
By JUST A NORMAL PERSON, TOTALLY NOT ILIA MALININ on April 2026
With Ilia Malinin’s appearance at the Milano Cortina Winter Olympics once again placing the skating prodigy under intense scrutiny, millions of fans have begun to…
A Treatise on Unseemly Occurrence, the Falsehood of Amnesia, and the Perdition of the Innocent
By PAVAN MYERS on April 2026
Author’s Note: A work of fiction, just in case. I, above all else, consider myself a man of greater rationality. I follow the scientists’ creed,…
Controversial Takes: Delete Math or PE Classes?
By HOT TAKES on April 2026
We appreciate the efforts of our teachers very very dearly. However, certain subjects just don’t hit the right spot. Between the two opposite ends of…
Twenty-Four Hour School Days
By STUH D. HAARD on April 2026
Some argue that there should be four-day work weeks and a long three day weekend. But how are teachers going to cram that much work…
Cars Are Overrated. Let’s Consider This Alternative.
By TRIE CYCLE on April 2026
Typically, people get very excited when they get their first car. They’re so happy to be free and go anywhere they want quickly and conveniently,…
A Pitch for New School Policies at IHS
By FURKAN UYAR on April 2026
A message has been sent out by the ICSD Board of Education (BoE) about new school policies being implemented at IHS. Most students are against…
IHS Announces New Acts of Discipline
By FURKAN UYAR on April 2026
All staff at IHS have put some new rules of discipline into place. Every bad act will result in one of these consequences. After reviewing…
The Top Ten Most Useless College Majors in the US
By EWE ESNUSE on April 2026
Author’s Note: This article is one hundred percent objective truth. It does not reflect the opinions of the author, the Tattler Editorial Board, IHS, ICSD,…
Toilet Tragedy Prompts Long-Awaited Change
By THE A-BUILDING PROPHET on April 2026
“And the Lord said unto Steve: in the coming Sabbath shall I go out into the Quadrangle of Arts of the High School of Ithaca,…
Reports of Project Ew No.1
By HOLDEN M. IN on April 2026
In shocking news that absolutely nobody could have predicted (except everyone who has ever used the main building bathrooms), sources close to the administration of…
ICSD Announces New Schedule
By ADAM UPP on April 2026
ICSD administration has announced that, beginning in the 2026-27 school year, class periods at IHS will be 52 minutes and 38.6 seconds, rather than the…
Do you want to write a poem?
By THE SPICE GIRLS on April 2026
Ah-Well …so you see…Rock. Go crumbleDirtLike glassBut fucking sand One day I was walking down the streetAnd out of the corner of my eye I…
June Christmas Poem (2022)
By SOL JORDAN on April 2026
The days are old Sickly, ill, with both a fever and a cold They come one after another, beginningto eat the Christmas tree, with 35…
Caesar
By JC CARLSSON on April 2026
Svylt pwzbt kvsvy zpa htla, jvuzljalaby hkpwpzjpun lspa, zlk kv lpbztvk altwvy pujpkpkbua ba shivyl la kvsvyl thnuh hspxbh. Ba lupt hk tpupt clupht, xbpz…
The Rose of Elfsdale
By J. F. Antasy on April 2026
As my axe swings down, so heavy I can barely lift it with my flower-stem arms, I heave a sigh. It’s late morning, and I’m…
Warriors: Blocking Stars
By ERIN HUNTER on April 2026
Contents warning: violence, death. GoGuardian stretched, enjoying the feeling of the sunlight on her dark grey fur. Leaf-fall had only just begun, but the air…
It Doesn’t End With Us (Part 2)
By COLLEEN WHOOVER on April 2026
It’s hard to believe that Chase and I have been dating for a year now. It feels like just yesterday when he first walked over…
Wood Chips for the Win
By CHIPPITY CHIP on April 2026
In a stunning and completely life-altering occurrence, Lowe’s has single-handedly created the greatest product to human kind: Wood Chips. Wood Chips are the new, improved,…
What’s in Your Admin’s Bag?
By MR. BREIGLE’S BIRKIN on April 2026
1. A vape: This one was fished out from the depths of a K-Bathroom toilet. It shouldn’t work, but it absolutely does. Obviously it won’t…
Out with the NeeDohs, In with the Popcorn
By POPPY KORNKERNEL on April 2026
No popcorn can compare to the kind sold at movie theaters. The fresh, steaming bucket of popcorn, with each kernel perfectly covered in salt and…
Hall Monitor
By ICSD CANVA PRO SUBSCRIPTION on April 2026
“What is your favorite movie of all time?” “Dodgeball: A True Associate Principal Story (2004)”– Jamie Pritchard ’27 “Phone-Ban: Into the CyberPouch-Verse (2018)”– Julian Bushlow…
With enrollment in ICSD steadily declining in the past decade, teachers end up teaching to more empty chairs than occupied ones. The district now faces…
How to Boil Water
By FURKAN UYAR on April 2026
The Next Musical Is…
By TAKUO KAWATE on April 2026
Have you ever wanted to perform in multiple popular musicals, but never got the chance to? Or maybe you want to see popular musicals but…
hit me, baby, one more time
By THE PRINCESS OF POP on April 2025
oh baby baby how was i supposed 2 know that something wasn’t right here? oh baby baby i shouldn’t have let u go… and now…