It’s official IHS: starting April 1, 2026, all PE courses and electives offered at IHS will automatically merge into a single section: Self-Defense for Everybody. This course will encompass multiple self-defense techniques, teach all the basics of multiple forms of martial arts, and prepare students for any real-world situation they might encounter. This course will be taken by all students in order to meet a new graduation requirement: completion of the Admin Games. Students will have to use their mastered techniques to survive against and fend off administrators, who will put their skills to the true test as they encounter challenge after challenge as a test of their abilities.
Since the entirety of IHS will be taking this course, many current staff members are dedicating themselves to becoming full-time instructors. For example, Ms. Hardesty will act as the main demonstrator for all self-defense techniques, from knee strikes, to pin-downs, and is reportedly “not afraid to use her voice in order to sound more intimidating.” She also plans to carry a whistle that has the highest decibel pitch a whistle could possibly have, in order to run warm-up, events, cool downs—you name it. Mr. Hovey will act as a general referee, and whichever students show poor participation and attitude, will take their phones and keep them locked into a cellar, which students will need to figure out how to unlock themselves during the Admin Games. The entire Math Department will dedicate their time to teaching students how to quickly and efficiently calculate their moves under stressful time constraints. Finally, ICSD’s Superintendent Luvelle Brown is also expected to take part in instructing this course, as is especially ready to provide some “special” coaching to those who have made Instagram accounts and memes about him over the years.
Additionally, the IHS PE Department has concluded that a typical forty-seven minute period is an inadequate amount of time for a course like this. Therefore, the course will take the entirety of the second half of the day after lunch. This will leave many teachers with the entire second half of the school day without classes. Therefore, they will spend that time planning mini quests for the students to take part in. These quests are currently “top-secret” in order to keep students on their toes, but have rumored to include sprinting after delinquent students trying to skip out on instruction, doing a push-up contest with Mr. Sheldon, arm-wrestling Ms. Seifert, racing Mr. Balok in who can be the fastest to put out a garbage fire, and many more.
The official date of the Admin Games is yet to be announced, but they will likely take place the week before graduation. If any seniors do not successfully complete the games, they will not graduate the following week and must continue taking the course and participate in the next year’s Admin Games. The addition of this course and the Admin Games may worry some, and students may question why exactly they have been added. However, as our wise Principal Arnold has put it, “These games will unify our community towards completing a goal larger than ourselves—a passion and luve for learning ways to protect and fight for each other.”
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