This week, a freshman in Studio Art (who prefers to remain anonymous “for the mystique”) wowed art critics and enjoyers worldwide with their newest artwork. The piece, titled Assignment #3, which is composed of a drip splatter from the cafeteria’s breakfast smoothies, recently sold at auction for 6.3 million dollars. When asked to comment about their newfound fame and fortune, the artist remarked that they were “psyched” about the reception of the work, and would most likely spend the money buying their friends drinks at The Botanist for the next month or so.
When classmates of the artist were asked about their peer’s work, most were so moved by the work that they were unable to speak. “It’s just so revolutionary,” one classmate said in between tears, “It’s Cattelan and Banksy all in one.” After seeing Assignment #3, the art teacher of the class promptly resigned, saying that “there’s no way anything can one-up that.”
Students in other art, and even English and Science classes, are now being tasked with extensively analyzing and admiring Assignment #3. One AP Environmental Science student, completing their Learning Demonstration on the sociocultural significance of Assignment #3, said “It’s brilliant, honestly. I mean, I can’t imagine the genius it took to create such a work. It’s so simple, and yet so powerful at the same time. It’s a fusion between absurdism and existentialism. I hope this all shows up on the AP exam.”
But not all responses to the work have been positive, however. One student (who prefers to remain anonymous “for safety purposes”), voiced their concerns: “I sit next to [the artist], and I can confidently say that they didn’t mean to pour their smoothie on the table. They just spilled a little bit on their paper.” Other students commented on the originality of the work; “It’s a ripoff of Pollock, to be sure. Or maybe it’s a ripoff of Duchamp? I don’t know.” Another student remarked that “I just am seeing too much technical skill. If you’re going to make a work like this, you have to really put a lot of effort into the effortlessness of it. Maybe [the artist] should have tried practicing doing it badly a few times?” Overall however, the critics of Assignment #3 are greatly depressed, the rituals less exciting. However, if one looks hard enough, it can still be found among herds of regular moose. All it takes to see The Moose™ is a little faith and a keen eye.
The buyer of the piece, a wealthy crypto-trader (who prefers to remain anonymous “for reasons that they’d rather not get into right now”), apparently took one look at Assignment #3 and said “It’s like an NFT but in real life!” After paying for the work in Bitcoin and Tesla stock, the buyer took the artwork back to their property on the coast. When asked what had been done with the work, the buyer replied “That thing? Oh, I threw it away because it started to smell. Still, best 6.3 million dollars I’ve ever spent.” Like all great art, Assignment #3 has officially failed to withstand the test of time.
In response to all of the excitement around their piece, the artist took a sip of their large matcha latte and said “Hey, at the end of the day, all I care about is getting an A in that class.”
Be First to Comment