Most students are aware that school bathrooms are the least clean places in the school, fraught with foul odors, unknown liquids, clogged toilets, and the like. What few students are aware of is the real danger in the bathrooms, like a new species of bacteria with colonies the size of a small moose hiding on the ceiling, or the ghost in the upstairs-H-building bathroom.
According to a past IHS principal, “Sometimes the bathrooms got so bad that students wouldn’t come out. They’d go in, and a bacteria colony would just ooze over them to feed itself. We lost quite a number of good students that way,” he added.
Since then, the IHS administration has taken steps to mitigate the danger posed by the school’s bathrooms. Some years ago, a principal instructed the janitorial team to use all means necessary to remove a foul-smelling liquid from the boys’-locker-room showers, regardless of the consequences. The janitors were eventually forced to inundate the area with radiation after school. While this worked, it also mutated the swim teams that spend a lot of time in the vicinity, which explains why they’re so good.
“Sadly, we’ve also had to take less popular measures,” a district spokesperson said. “We keep the bathrooms by the new gym locked most of the time because there aren’t enough people close enough. Imagine if no one heard the sickening screams until it was too late!”
In fact, the district is fighting the perception that the reason that students need to sign out of classes to use the bathroom is to have a record of where everyone is in case of a fire. “Seriously, these bathrooms are terrible,” the spokesperson said. “Since we’re legally responsible for students during the school day, we need to know if someone’s not in class because they’re skipping or if it’s because they passed out from the stench.”