On March 5, seniors weren’t surprised to see that H-Courtyard had been closed off yet again. A yellowish crumpled piece of paper taped haphazardly to the back of a chair notified seniors that the courtyard would be unavailable for a week because a single student had unwittingly brought a granola bar into the area.
The unfortunate student recounted the tale to Tattler staff. “I had an old granola bar in my backpack that I hadn’t seen since freshman year,” said the student, who preferred to remain anonymous. “As soon as I stepped into H-Courtyard, the granola bar fell through a hole in my backpack and landed on the floor. Attracted by the sound of a food wrapper, Mr. Trumble swooped in out of nowhere to yell at me for bringing food into H-Courtyard.”
The student did, however, take ownership of the situation, stating, “I suppose it was really my fault. After all, we’ve been reminded all year that we can’t eat in H-Courtyard.”
This instance of collective punishment is just one example of an alarming trend that has been developing at IHS. For example, many students have noticed how teachers respond particularly aggressively to cell phone usage in class. One student described an incident that occurred last week. “On Wednesday, one person in my class took out his phone to check the news,” he said. “My teacher looked as if she had seen a ghost, and proceeded to wrest the phone from my classmate’s sweaty grasp. She spent the remaining thirty minutes of class time collecting everyone else’s phone and lecturing us about how Chromebooks are the true tools of the future.”
Another student who witnessed the incident said, “My friend in the class doesn’t even have a phone, but our teacher was convinced she was lying because ‘kids these days are all addicted to technology.’ She ordered the girl to bring in a phone the next day under threat of failing the whole class, so my friend went out and bought one from Best Buy.”
Teachers and administrators were especially militant on March 9, which was planned as an initial date for Senior Skip Day. Many teachers warned their students that the consequences for missing class on that day would be severe. As a result, every senior made a special effort to come to school, even if they were feverish, coughing violently, vomiting, and otherwise obviously contagious with the flu.
However, one student ruined it all for the seniors who tenaciously attended school on March 9. That morning, the anonymous student had a life-threatening allergic reaction to tree nuts when he was eating breakfast at home. He was rushed to the hospital and received appropriate treatment, but missed an entire day of school. By the time he returned on the following Monday, his symptoms had disappeared—and so had the senior class’s hopes of having a senior prom. They had already been informed that, because one student had skipped on Senior Skip Day, senior prom would be canceled.
On March 14 came the straw that broke the camel’s back. A senior, coming from band, stepped through the door to her Spanish class a full seven seconds late.
“It’s not fair!” the student protested, sobbing and still out of breath from her treacherous journey across the quad. “How are we supposed to walk from Kulp all the way to K-building in five minutes? I was trying to run but I kept dropping all the folders and binders that each of my teachers says I need to bring to school every day.” Her jeans were still soaked up to the knees from her efforts wading through the snow that hadn’t quite posed enough of a threat to result in a snow day. “It would be so much easier if our buildings were actually connected and we didn’t have to walk outside in freezing weather!” she said.
The next day, seniors found out that graduation had been canceled, and that they would all be held back a year.
“Arriving late to class is unacceptable,” Mr. Trumble informed what was now the class of 2019 during an emergency assembly. “You’ve been at IHS for four years. Many of you are eighteen years old—you’re about to become adults. What do you think your boss will say if you arrive to work seven seconds late?”
The staff members in Student Services are currently working hard to put together schedules for the new super-seniors. IHS is looking to hire many new 12th-grade teachers to accommodate the doubling of the senior class. Meanwhile, the super-seniors are still trying to come to terms with their new situation and the harsh reality of collective punishment.
