Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21):
To be a better person (on the inside).
Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19):
To learn a new language, and then forget every single word two years later.
Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18):
To let go of some weight, because these stupid dumbbells are so heavy.
Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20):
To exercise more, and then give up in three weeks.
Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19):
To floss, and then instantly regret it.
Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20):
To give up coffee, and then pass out within the first week.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20):
My resolution is to NOT make a resolution. Oh, wait. . .
Cancer (June 21 – Jul 22):
To read more books (that I forgot to read for homework).
Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22):
to becoome a beter speeler.
Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22):
To read more political news articles, and then instantly regret it.
Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22):
To sleep more (good luck with that).
Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21):
The SAME one as last year! And the year before that! And the year before that! And the year before that! And the year before that! And the year before that! And the year before that!
Look, I’ll get it done someday, alright?