Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21):
It’s not very easy to be a better person in this social climate. Am I right?
Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19):
I learned Spanish, only because I had to.
Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18):
Well I lost SOME weight, but mostly from not using a 30-pound backpack.
Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20):
I feel like I have too much time on my hands to exercise!
Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19):
I flossed, and I instantly regretted it.
Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20):
Somehow I’m drinking MORE coffee.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20):
What’s the point of making resolutions if you never leave your house?
Cancer (June 21 – Jul 22):
What’s… a book?
Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22):
I have actually been practicing all year and I can say with confidence that I am gud at speleng. Damn it.
Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22):
Oh I’ve read SO many political news articles. My new resolution is to read none next year.
Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22):
I have spent half of this year in my bedroom, you tell me if I get enough sleep.
Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21):
. . . And the year before that! And the year before that! And the year before that! And the year before that! And the year before that! And the year before that! And the year before that! And the year before that! And the year before that! And the year before that! And the year before that! And the year before that!
Wait, it’s already been a year? What did I miss?