Dear Editor-In-Chief,
In response to the alarming turn taken by this newspaper in supporting the secession of ICSD from the United States, I, a frequent writer who shall hereby remain anonymous, have found it necessary to share the following thoughts. Firstly, the autocratic policies taken by Dr. Supreme Overlord Brown are in every way a contradiction to the Culture of Luve previously enjoyed by the district and the Tattler Constitution of 1892. Supporting these horrid policies is not only unethical but alien to the very nature of The Tattler. Secondly, the censorship imposed by the Supreme Overlord, which prohibits all mentions of the cruelties of his reign and the questionability of his hair care, directly threatens the continued existence of the Tattler Editorial Board. Lastly, to spur my fellow students to action, I would like to quote another radical revolutionary, Edmund Burke: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
*Upon further investigation, The Tattler found the above information to be incorrect, as Edmund Burke was not a “radical revolutionary” but in fact a staunch conservative advocating against the spread of social freedoms. As this may influence readers’ opinions of the text, the Board has included this retraction.*
I call my fellow students to arms in opposing the Supreme Overlord’s power! There are many secret societies forming to fight for justice within ICSD. You may not see us, but we are everywhere. We eat in K-Building during Universal Lunch, smuggle underclassmen into H-Courtyard, and liberate creatures from the science labs (in the spirit of the film E.T.). In short, we cause chaos and destruction wherever we go. Woe to you, administrators and traitors to our cause, for we have vowed never to cease our efforts until we have liberated the schools and people of ICSD!
Beware Administration! Beware Dr. Supreme Overlord Brown! Your empire has stood for long enough. Prepare to meet your end! Mwahahahaha!
Yours in revolutionary spirit,
A columnist
PS: Wait! I hear a pounding at the door. Could it be that the Supreme Overlord’s secret police has finally found me after all this time? Alas, I fear it is! My hands tremble and my vision clouds. Sweat drips down my brow. I hear the door break open and the pounding of feet across the floor towards me. Goodbye, sweet liberty! I shall miss you! Ms. Hardesty charges the room and grabs me and mnm,nciaelkdjowehks; eoja; jdlsfjdsl;sueow
*It is at this point that the letter finishes. The Tattler is forced to conclude that the author simply never got around to completing it. Long live Dr. Supreme Overlord Brown.*
