Every cultured American has heard of the twelve Olympian gods. However, only a few have considered: where are all of the moose? Many Greek myths mention deer, but none mention moose. Why not? Here are a few options to consider.
The first theory is that the Greek moose of the ancient times had formed a spy ring. If that is the case, we still have yet to decode their ciphers. Or find any messages, for that matter. Let’s rule that option out for now.
The second option is that they lived well out of sight, on the roofs of Greek homes. After all, no Greeks at the time were tall enough to know that their own roofs existed. It has also been proven that moose can climb on roofs, given the outcome of the 1922 research project cited below. Therefore, this theory is very plausible and thus proves the existence of moose at the time, and that they were living over Greek heads.
The third and final theory to consider is that moose were happily living on the moon at the time of the ancient Greek civilization, and only migrated to Earth to watch the Gettysburg Address take place. Then, being dissatisfied with entertainment afterward, they invented romcoms. If you enjoy romcoms or reading the Gettysburg Address (which a particularly scholarly moose transcribed), you have moose to thank for it.
So, if it is the case that moose didn’t live on Earth until recently, what did Artemis, the Greek goddess of the hunt, use to raise sheep morale? The answer is simple, actually. Artemis created a two-person moose costume. Therefore, it can be assumed that the first moose sightings were not actually of moose, but instead of two people in a moose costume. Said moose costume is also considered to be the first functional tandem bike.
Apart from being a tandem bike and a way to raise sheep’s spirits, does The Moose™ have any other uses? Historians suggest yes.
“Moose were often called for in Greek rituals. See, a dancing moose is a very sacred and rare thing. Therefore, many called upon Artemis and her Moose™ to help with ritual costumes when a moose was needed. It was truly a spectacular invention,” says Cornelius Elch, moose historian.
Eva Jávorszarvas adds, “The Moose™ wasn’t just there for show. It did wonders behind the scenes, too. That moose costume is the reason why tomatillo salsa is what it is today. If you ever see a little miracle, like a double rainbow, and stop to marvel at it, you can take that time to thank The Moose™.”
The miracle-working moose costume has long since been outnumbered by modern American moose. The sheep are more
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