The Shoveling Must Go On!

ver the past several years, ICSD snow days have been steadily declining. Some point to climate change or abnormally warm winters, but the true culprit is the administration’s complete lack of empathy. Who among this gilded

elite must shovel the snow from their sidewalks for over an hour simply to leave their homes? Which of them feels the frustration of starting a broken down old car in the dead of winter? These out-of-touch elites don’t comprehend our day-to-day trials and tribulations. We tromp through the snow on our way to class, slipping down icy stairs and holding tight to our coats and scarves for fear of frostbite. Do they? Never.

 Our leaders do not feel our pain, and thus they have become increasingly distant, unaware of our suffering. There is only one solution. All administrators must shovel IHS’s campus walkways on any day they require students to attend. Superintendent Luvelle Brown will drive the snow-plow around the quad, and Acting Principal Martha Hardesty will be responsible for the parking lot. All other administrators will be awoken at 4 a.m. by a loud bell hung directly above their beds, handed shovels, and forced to chip away at the ice building up on our pavement. If they cannot complete their work by 7 a.m. at the latest, then school will be canceled. Alternatively, if administrators wish to avoid all this hard work, they can preemptively call a snow day and go back to bed.

 Some brown-nosers may complain that our administrators do not deserve this punishment, but I say “look at the evidence!” These dastardly fiends control our daily schedules and rule with an iron fist; they don’t care whether or not we suffer the cold! Down with the autocracy I say! Down with the hegemonic systems of control which threaten our very existence! There must be a revolution, not one of swords and blood, but of will and wit. They will shovel, and they will know the tortuous agony they’ve caused. Maybe then, they’ll feel the stain of shame which forever clings to their clean, pressed suits.

 Once the administrators have finished shoveling, they must quickly organize a large hot cocoa station for incoming students. No pupil should enter the school building without the joy that comes from forcing your superiors to wait on you hand and foot. My guess is that, if such policies are enacted at IHS, snow days will again become commonplace as administrators walk a mile in our shoes and decide it’s easier to just give us the day off.