A collection of some of my favorite horoscopes for the signs I’ve come up with throughout my time as Backpage Editor. Gemini (May 21…
Posts tagged as “Horoscopes”
Horoscopes: The Signs as Songs by Some Local Singers that Sound like the Start of Spring
By SOPHIE WRAY on May 2019
Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20): “Blues in a Bottle” This Ithaca Bottom Boys tune is impossible not to smile and dance to, and I…
Horoscopes: The Signs as Different Ways to Cook a Potato
By Tattler Editor-in-Chief on April 2019
Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19): Mash it up, baby. Throw some butter in there! Some salt! Some pepper too, why not! Taurus (Apr 20…
Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20): Seasonal depression ceases to exist. Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19): Little flowers poke their heads out of…
Horoscopes: The Signs as Haikus I Wrote on Scrap Paper Throughout the School Week
By SOPHIE WRAY on February 2019
Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18): I’ll do anything If it gives me an excuse To wear my long johns Pisces (Feb 19 –…
Horoscopes: The Signs as the Twelve Days of Christmas
By SOPHIE WRAY on December 2018
Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21): A Partridge in a Pear Tree Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19): Two Turtle Doves Aquarius (Jan 20 –…
Horoscopes: The Signs as Paintings of Dogs
By SOPHIE WRAY on November 2018
Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21): Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21): Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19): Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18): Pisces…
Horoscopes: The Signs as Halloween Costumes That Surely No One Else Will Be
By SOPHIE WRAY on October 2018
Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22): A bookshelf with every encyclopedia volume except for “O.” Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21): A lamp. With a…
Horoscopes: The Signs as Feelings on the First Day of School
By SOPHIE WRAY on September 2018
Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22): Pure disbelief when seeing how much some people have changed in just a few months over the summer. Libra…
Horoscopes: The Signs as Inescapable Summer Ailments
By SOPHIE WRAY on June 2018
Gemini (May 21 – June 20): Heatstroke. Sometimes it’s just too dang hot and your body is physically incapable of regulating your temperature, which is…
Horoscopes: The Signs: Warm Weather Wonders
By SOPHIE WRAY on May 2018
Things your sign could do in the newly found warmth of May! Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20): Pick some flowers! Make a nice bouquet…
Horoscopes: The Signs As April Fool’s Day Pranks
By SOPHIE WRAY on April 2018
Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19): Saran wrap on the toilet seat. It’s as simple and cruel as that. Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20):…
Horoscopes: The Signs and Their Feelings of Desperation in Anticipation of Spring’s Arrival
By SOPHIE WRAY on March 2018
Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20): Wishing you were swimming in the lake, but not really digging the whole “Polar Plunge” idea. Aries (Mar 21…
Horoscopes: The Signs and Their Doable New Year’s Resolutions
By SOPHIE WRAY on February 2018
Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18): Get outside more! Go on more walks; take a hike, even if it’s cold. Bundle up and get out…
Horoscopes: The Signs as the Things You Wear in Winter
By SOPHIE WRAY on December 2017
Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21): Hats. Hats of all sorts. Hats with pom-poms, with ear flaps, with sequins. A beret, a beanie, a raccoon…
Horoscopes
By SOPHIE WRAY on November 2017
The Signs as Things Ithacans Start Doing as It Gets Cold Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21): Break out the Carhartts. Everything! Hats, pants, jackets;…
October Horoscopes
By SOPHIE WRAY on October 2017
Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22): Your balance is too good to “fall” into the new season; you’ll just glide. Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov…
Your School Year’s Fortune Telling
By SOPHIE WRAY on September 2017
Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22): Just because you think you understand it doesn’t mean you really do. Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22): Scales…
Horoscopes
By ABE MESSING on June 2017
Horoscopes as most annoying cliches Aries (Mar. 21 – Apr. 19): Yeah, I guess this film is okay. The books were way better than…
Horoscopes: Pick-Up Lines at a Baseball Game
By ABE MESSING on April 2017
Aries (Mar. 21–Apr. 19): I’ve been striking out all night but I think I’m about to make some solid connection with you; hey the name’s…
Horoscopes
By ABE MESSING on April 2017
Aries (Mar. 21–Apr. 19): Someone who wears as much makeup as you do is hiding something more than your face. Secrets are best when kept—truths…
Horoscopes
By ABE MESSING on March 2017
Aries (Mar. 21–Apr. 19): Take yourself on a date and get to know YOU better. Dinner for one? No, dinner for three: you, yourself, and…
Horoscopes
By ABE MESSING on February 2017
Aries (Mar. 21–Apr. 19): Someone running in place isn’t moving any faster than someone standing still. Taurus (Apr. 20–May 20): Silver bullets don’t exist. You’re…
Horoscopes
By ABE MESSING on December 2016
Aries (Mar. 21–Apr. 19): Reach for the stars, but be prepared to settle for the moon. Taurus (Apr. 20–May 20): Don’t hate yourself for what…
Horoscopes
By ABE MESSING on November 2016
Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22): The same letters that spell Untied also spell United. It’s about what you’re made of, not the cards you’re dealt. Libra…
Horoscopes
By ABE MESSING on October 2016
Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22): Danger would not be so scary if it were obvious. Don’t ever take your eyes off your back; a close friend…
Horoscopes
By ABE MESSING on September 2016
Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22): How can someone so smart be so dumb? It’s the eternal question that the unintelligent part of you prevents yourself from…