In a recent wire communication from the admin fortress, it was announced that all bathrooms in ICSD buildings are to be replaced with administration offices in the upcoming 2025-2026 school year.
“Bathrooms have long been at the top of our list of threats to student health, right next to snow days and fresh air. Locking them was only a small step towards student safety—we’re very proud to finally be abolishing them,” said a spokesperson; “Staff bathrooms are not considered as much of a threat, as students don’t have access to them, and we don’t have the budget to remove them. Still, we will do our best to keep our teachers and other employees as busy as possible to discourage bathroom visits.”
Eliminating school bathrooms is believed to be the key to improving attendance and student focus—It will remove the need for bathroom passes, which are the primary tools students use to facilitate skipping.
“When students visit the bathrooms they miss valuable instruction time. This builds up. Some serial bathroom-visitors can miss up to thirty percent of the total course, simply through their 5 minute trips to the lavatory. It’s a troubling trend,” the spokesperson explained to our reporters, “There is simply no good reason for any place of learning to have this sort of distraction present.”
The project is projected to cost a mere 37,250 dollars per bathroom and is planned to be completed within the coming school year. While it is doubtful that the full renovations will be accomplished within that time (indeed, more accurate projections indicate that a delay of at least two years should be expected), the administration is positive that the threat to student well-being posed by bathrooms will be eliminated as soon as the demolition begins this fall. To greater health and concentration for all!
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