The Tattler vs. TV Production Club War Map.
Last week, the Tattler Editorial Board released a statement declaring war on TV Production Club. TV Production Club, also known as Lake Street News, is IHS’s weekly news show, and has been one of The Tattler’s main sources of competition at IHS since its founding. This comes after a story in which TV Production Club anchor Ann Chor (’29) wrongly accused The Tattler of spreading misinformation and fake news in the April Issue.
Yesterday, the Secretary of War at The Tattler, General Tattler McWriterFace (’25), said in an interview that “For far too long TV Production Club has been seen as the cooler, underground, less popular alternative to The Tattler. Lake Street News must come to an end, so that only one slightly inaccurate, plagiarizing, usually-late-to-release school news source can dominate.”
So far, The Tattler has taken over the Music building and the gym, and in a recent mission called “Operation Crossword,” three courageous freshmen Tattler writers took control of H-Building as well. The dastardly TV Production Club has taken over D and F building, as well as the library. According to undercover sources, TV Production Club schemes to attack G building before the next Dollar Slice Tuesday.
When asked about which side he supported, associate principal Patrick Hovey said that “There was that one time in that dumb April Fool’s issue where someone called me a cyborg. That is completely untrue, I definitely do not have cybernetic enhancements, including laser eyes and a robotic leg. For this reason, I am backing TV Production Club, which has never said anything untrue at all.” This statement is patently false; the article said he had a robotic arm, not a robotic leg.
JV Lacrosse star Stu Dent ’26 said that “It’s really hard to get to classes on time because of the war. I have to go from Spanish 3 sixth period to Concert Choir seventh period, but you can’t go across the quad because it’s ‘No-man’s-land’, and there’s always hippie Anti-War protesters clogging up F-hallway.”
Acting Principal Martha Hardesty said that “I’m just going to wait and see how things play out. A few years ago The Tattler declared war on the Yearbook, and it ended in a truce with only a few hundred casualties. Hopefully this’ll work out the same way.”
Be First to Comment