Author’s Note: This article is one hundred percent objective truth. It does not reflect the opinions of the author, the Tattler Editorial Board, IHS, ICSD, or the United States government.
By the time a student graduates from high school, they only have seven years left until their brain fully matures. Thus, it is imperative that they know exactly what their future will look like, and the most important part of this is choosing a good college major. However, studies have shown that a vast majority of students make the wrong decision. To face this crisis, I have done extensive research to rank how useless every major is and compiled the following list of ten that should be avoided at all costs.
10. Political Science
This major is literally an oxymoron. You’ve seen what President Trump is doing. Despite overwhelming evidence from scientists that climate change is a huge problem, politicians are now saying it doesn’t exist. Politics and science do not mix well. And if you try to analyze politics with science, trust me when I say, you’ll find a complete mess.
9. Education
Picture this: you spend thirteen years in public school, learning a bunch of things. Then, you spend another four to twelve years in college, learning even more things. All of this to get an education degree, after which you spend the rest of your life teaching all of those things to other people. As a result, knowledge has just passed completely through you.
8. Biological Sciences
If you want to go into biology, it’s because either you like chemistry, you like medicine, or you like science but not math. For more on all of this, keep reading.
7. Chemistry
Chemistry is a type of science, and science never produces satisfying results. If you don’t believe me, here’s how science works: You see something you don’t understand. You come up with a highly nonsensical explanation for it. You do an experiment that may support or refute this explanation. You then do the very laborious task of collecting and analyzing data to determine whether you think it did support the explanation. If it supports the explanation, you attempt to take solace in the fact that you are now about seventeen percent certain that said explanation is the actual truth, but you act like you’re one hundred percent certain in order to look good. The entire time, the explanation is still completely nonsensical and does not really have a good reason for anyone to care about it. And that’s why a science degree is literally called a BS.
6. Law
Do you really think that lawyers are the key to winning legal battles? Because if you do, you’re wrong. It’s money. If you want to do anything with a law degree for a good cause, you will be subject to the whims of people with more money than you. Alternatively, you could make a large amount of money yourself by working for rich people, in which case the amount you make will be nothing compared to the amount your clients make by using you to win cases they honestly should not win, generally involving both sides pretending they have no common sense. At least, until they replace you with AI.
5. Medicine
You may think that if you become a doctor, you will be able to make money and save lives. However, I promise you that the American medical system will do everything in its power to prevent these things from happening. Especially saving lives.
4. Computer Science
If you want to go into computer science, you’ve effectively already been replaced with AI.
3. Psychology
If you want to go into psychology, it’s because you want to either become a therapist, do psychology research, or help a mega-corporation figure out how to exploit customers. In the first case, you’re getting replaced by AI. The second is basically just science. And for the third, they’re going to exploit you, too (and then replace you with AI).
2. Nursing
I mean, this is basically just medicine.
1. Business
In business school, they teach you how to make money. They do not teach you how to make good decisions. (Unless those decisions have to do with making money.) As a result, business majors tend to have a career of ruining everything they touch, making a bunch of money off of it, and then using that money poorly. Trust me, you’ll be better off making less money but knowing what to do with it.
Conclusion
You may be wondering “with all of these completely useless majors out there, what should you major in?” The answer: hotel management. Obviously.
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